Print and tape to fridge: Mantras for bad ppd days

This post is dedicated to lovely and amazing Pamela Gold of http://www.spermiestyle.com/ Another brilliant #ppdchat mama going through rough time. I am holding you in the light.

When you cannot access your love for anybody, let alone yourself,
When every waking thought hurts and all your dreams are nightmares,
When no matter what you try you think you fail,

I hope you remember this.

It’s not you. Your brain has been hijacked by the PPDemons. The bastards.
They scream in your head. Their screams become your thoughts, but they are not truly yours. If you weren’t so vulnerable right now (and you have every right to be vulnerable these days) you would be able to tell the difference.

But until then, here are some secret weapons, (scratch that, too violent. Let’s start over) Here are some secret potions to keep handy. My favorite one came from a bumper sticker when I was coming out of a therapist’s office 6 years ago:

Don’t believe everything you think.

It became my mantra. Saved. My. Life!
@mamarobinj tweeted about it a few

weeks back, did you see it?
It made perfect sense to me, it was a light bulb moment, instantly; but if you find resistance showing up for you, let’s translate into this:

Your emotions are always valid.
The scary stories they tell you don’t have to be.

The scary stories are almost always PPDemons crap.
Take them with a grain of salt.

Here is my favorite salt shaker:

Just because/Doesn’t mean.

(You may be familiar with it already, I use it here quite often. Are you using it? Shake it baby!)

Just because you feel like a bad mother
doesn’t mean you are not a very good enough mother.
(The perfect mother doesn’t exist, the desire to be a good mother is what makes you into one, the rest is practice and love)

Just because you are angry at your toddler
doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel your love
(Anger is another form of caring, and there are very healthy ways of expressing it. More about that soon)

Just because you feel like shit
doesn’t mean you don’t have a heart of gold
(and a mind of diamond!)

Just because you try and fail
doesn’t mean you are not accomplishing things
(failing is no fun for the ego, but it gives you lots of opportunites to learn)

Just because you had a setback
doesn’t mean you are not making progress.
(actually setbacks are a sure sign of progress! and boy, I would much rather never have one ever again!)

Just because your husband is picking up some slack
doesn’t mean you should feel guilty
(it’s ok to feel the guilt, it’s a practically unavoidable knee jerk reaction, but the guilt doesn’t make it wrong)

Just because you are crying
doesn’t mean you are weak.
(Accessing your tears gives you power)

Just because you don’t have power over your PPD
doesn’t mean you don’t have power in it.
(practicing your power makes it grow, using these mantras is a good start)

Just because you hate yourself
doesn’t mean you are not loveable.
(Thank goodness, self loathing doesn’t block your amazing-ness from shining)

You have all of us #ppdchat mamas rooting for you. We adore you. Your blog is brilliant, and your writing is shining and true. True except for the parts that you put yourself down. We hear you, and we see beyond that.

I hope this helps.

Hugs across the miles,

Yael.

 

23 Responses to Print and tape to fridge: Mantras for bad ppd days
  1. Lyla Jackson
    September 13, 2014 | 11:46 am

    Hi Yael – I was just looking for something on an old harddrive and I found a bookmark I had saved to this page. …and now I’m crying. Thank you for writing these words. They were a light in a very dark time. and, sadly, they are still too relevant for me. Thanks for throwing me a floaty ring to swim to when I was drowning. Much love and gratitude. -Lyla

  2. Derex
    August 9, 2014 | 2:17 am

    No qutiosen this is the place to get this info, thanks y’all.

  3. […] inside, every setback FEELS like an inescapable black hole, it doesn’t mean this feeling is true. Again, the feelings are always valid, but the scary stories they tell don’t have to be. Even more important, was to notice that how I believed the doom-thought-generated-feelings had […]

  4. Cpa networks that Pay weekly
    March 10, 2014 | 2:23 pm

    Great post, it was really helpful as soon as i had been wondering
    more about this. We are sure to share this so additional people can see too.
    Cpa networks that Pay weekly recently posted..Cpa networks that Pay weekly

  5. Kristen
    May 31, 2012 | 10:32 pm

    This is my first time here. I can’t say much.. too choked up. It is beautiful. And so true…
    Kristen recently posted..It’s the little things

  6. Galit Breen
    May 31, 2012 | 10:28 pm

    This is stunning.

    (I hope that it finds its way to whoever needs to read it.)
    Galit Breen recently posted..Motherhood Mantras

  7. […] it. PPD puts insidious thoughts into your head that play on a loop, over and over and over again. Yael Saar at PPD to Joy calls these thoughts “PPDemons.” In the early stages of treatment, it is an exhausting full-time job to battle the thoughts that […]

  8. Esther
    October 3, 2011 | 4:00 pm

    I love this! I think I might put these on my fridge.
    Esther recently posted..It’s not always easy being a blabbermouth

  9. Yael
    June 23, 2011 | 1:09 pm

    Oh, Story, isn’t it amazing how we forget that last bit?
    So easy to forget, but thankfully, love wins. It always does.
    I heart you!

  10. story
    June 23, 2011 | 1:05 pm

    I was nodding along all the way through, thinking, yeah, that’s what I’ve been working on – especially the one about setbacks and progress. Then I got to the last one and it knocked me on my butt. It’s so hard to see that I deserve love. How do you read my mind so well?
    story recently posted..Swimming lessons

  11. Yael
    June 22, 2011 | 1:41 pm

    So glad you found this helpful! Dancing in my chair. And what I love about what you said is that knowing that just because you are hurting right now doesn’t mean you won’t be happy tomorrow, well, doesn’t it actually help you hurt less right now? I love how the tiniest ray of light is effective at turning a black hole into a tunnel, that you can walk through, with the support of us who love and adore you.

  12. Rach (DonutsMama)
    June 22, 2011 | 1:32 pm

    I love this. You write beautifully. This is what I needed so badly to hear and to quit beating myself up. I’m saving this. I’m printing it and putting it where I can see it everyday. Thank you. Just because I’m hurting today doesn’t mean I won’t be happy tomorrow.

  13. Yael
    May 31, 2011 | 8:32 am

    Oh, Jamie, I’m so glad you think this is helpful. You are the most caring doc I ever met, so this means a lot coming from you. And thank you for posting your first blog comment ever — I really appreciate it.

  14. Jamie Loehr
    May 30, 2011 | 10:25 pm

    Great advice Yael. I plan to post this in my office so I can provide patients with another perspective when they are feeling down. And by the way – this is the first time I have ever commented on a blog

  15. Pamela Gold
    May 5, 2011 | 2:22 pm

    YOU are amazing too! xoxox
    Pamela Gold recently posted..Anonymous Submissions – – One Final Release

  16. Pamela Gold
    May 5, 2011 | 2:22 pm

    How do you do it. How do you always say the right thing? I’m emotional today and your “move through the clouds out into the sunshine, and and when it pours, dance together in the rain” made me teary.
    Pamela Gold recently posted..Anonymous Submissions – – One Final Release

  17. Yael
    May 5, 2011 | 1:56 pm

    Yes, Pamela is so amazing, and so are you.
    And yes, she has a right to be pissed, and so do you.
    And I’m going to do my best to write helpful things so we can all move through the clouds out into the sunshine, and and when it pours, dance together in the rain.

  18. Yael
    May 5, 2011 | 1:54 pm

    I’m so honored and happy to have touched you on all the right levels. I do hope this helps. I love you.

  19. Yael
    May 5, 2011 | 1:52 pm

    I started responding to your comment and it turned into a whole new post. it’s here: http://www.ppdtojoy.com/blog/wise-woman/

    I’m sending you love.

  20. charity
    May 5, 2011 | 9:46 am

    Thanks for writing this. It fit right where I am. The ppdemons are winning right now. I’ve been taken out of work again and been advised to go to hospital. We’re holding off on that for right now.

  21. Pamela Gold
    May 4, 2011 | 8:26 am

    Oh Yael….What a wonderful post from beginning to end. I am honored. It is stocked with information to help us out of a rut and I am hitting print right now. Thank you so much for taking the time to put this together. It’s fabulous on all the right levels! xoxox
    Pamela Gold recently posted..Anonymous Submissions – – One Final Release

  22. MamaRobinJ
    May 3, 2011 | 9:25 pm

    First, Pamela is amazing. She’s been fighting a long time and has a right to feel pissed off. But she’s taking things face on and getting through.

    Also, I love “PPDemons”!

    And I had forgotten about “Don’t believe everything you think.” Adding it to my list so I’ll have it when I need it.
    MamaRobinJ recently posted..Master of The Zone

Print and tape to fridge: Mantras for bad ppd days

This post is dedicated to lovely and amazing Pamela Gold of http://www.spermiestyle.com/ Another brilliant #ppdchat mama going through rough time. I am holding you in the light.

When you cannot access your love for anybody, let alone yourself,
When every waking thought hurts and all your dreams are nightmares,
When no matter what you try you think you fail,

I hope you remember this.

It’s not you. Your brain has been hijacked by the PPDemons. The bastards.
They scream in your head. Their screams become your thoughts, but they are not truly yours. If you weren’t so vulnerable right now (and you have every right to be vulnerable these days) you would be able to tell the difference.

But until then, here are some secret weapons, (scratch that, too violent. Let’s start over) Here are some secret potions to keep handy. My favorite one came from a bumper sticker when I was coming out of a therapist’s office 6 years ago:

Don’t believe everything you think.

It became my mantra. Saved. My. Life!
@mamarobinj tweeted about it a few

weeks back, did you see it?
It made perfect sense to me, it was a light bulb moment, instantly; but if you find resistance showing up for you, let’s translate into this:

Your emotions are always valid.
The scary stories they tell you don’t have to be.

The scary stories are almost always PPDemons crap.
Take them with a grain of salt.

Here is my favorite salt shaker:

Just because/Doesn’t mean.

(You may be familiar with it already, I use it here quite often. Are you using it? Shake it baby!)

Just because you feel like a bad mother
doesn’t mean you are not a very good enough mother.
(The perfect mother doesn’t exist, the desire to be a good mother is what makes you into one, the rest is practice and love)

Just because you are angry at your toddler
doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel your love
(Anger is another form of caring, and there are very healthy ways of expressing it. More about that soon)

Just because you feel like shit
doesn’t mean you don’t have a heart of gold
(and a mind of diamond!)

Just because you try and fail
doesn’t mean you are not accomplishing things
(failing is no fun for the ego, but it gives you lots of opportunites to learn)

Just because you had a setback
doesn’t mean you are not making progress.
(actually setbacks are a sure sign of progress! and boy, I would much rather never have one ever again!)

Just because your husband is picking up some slack
doesn’t mean you should feel guilty
(it’s ok to feel the guilt, it’s a practically unavoidable knee jerk reaction, but the guilt doesn’t make it wrong)

Just because you are crying
doesn’t mean you are weak.
(Accessing your tears gives you power)

Just because you don’t have power over your PPD
doesn’t mean you don’t have power in it.
(practicing your power makes it grow, using these mantras is a good start)

Just because you hate yourself
doesn’t mean you are not loveable.
(Thank goodness, self loathing doesn’t block your amazing-ness from shining)

You have all of us #ppdchat mamas rooting for you. We adore you. Your blog is brilliant, and your writing is shining and true. True except for the parts that you put yourself down. We hear you, and we see beyond that.

I hope this helps.

Hugs across the miles,

Yael.

 

23 Responses to Print and tape to fridge: Mantras for bad ppd days
  1. Lyla Jackson
    September 13, 2014 | 11:46 am

    Hi Yael – I was just looking for something on an old harddrive and I found a bookmark I had saved to this page. …and now I’m crying. Thank you for writing these words. They were a light in a very dark time. and, sadly, they are still too relevant for me. Thanks for throwing me a floaty ring to swim to when I was drowning. Much love and gratitude. -Lyla

  2. Derex
    August 9, 2014 | 2:17 am

    No qutiosen this is the place to get this info, thanks y’all.

  3. […] inside, every setback FEELS like an inescapable black hole, it doesn’t mean this feeling is true. Again, the feelings are always valid, but the scary stories they tell don’t have to be. Even more important, was to notice that how I believed the doom-thought-generated-feelings had […]

  4. Cpa networks that Pay weekly
    March 10, 2014 | 2:23 pm

    Great post, it was really helpful as soon as i had been wondering
    more about this. We are sure to share this so additional people can see too.
    Cpa networks that Pay weekly recently posted..Cpa networks that Pay weekly

  5. Kristen
    May 31, 2012 | 10:32 pm

    This is my first time here. I can’t say much.. too choked up. It is beautiful. And so true…
    Kristen recently posted..It’s the little things

  6. Galit Breen
    May 31, 2012 | 10:28 pm

    This is stunning.

    (I hope that it finds its way to whoever needs to read it.)
    Galit Breen recently posted..Motherhood Mantras

  7. […] it. PPD puts insidious thoughts into your head that play on a loop, over and over and over again. Yael Saar at PPD to Joy calls these thoughts “PPDemons.” In the early stages of treatment, it is an exhausting full-time job to battle the thoughts that […]

  8. Esther
    October 3, 2011 | 4:00 pm

    I love this! I think I might put these on my fridge.
    Esther recently posted..It’s not always easy being a blabbermouth

  9. Yael
    June 23, 2011 | 1:09 pm

    Oh, Story, isn’t it amazing how we forget that last bit?
    So easy to forget, but thankfully, love wins. It always does.
    I heart you!

  10. story
    June 23, 2011 | 1:05 pm

    I was nodding along all the way through, thinking, yeah, that’s what I’ve been working on – especially the one about setbacks and progress. Then I got to the last one and it knocked me on my butt. It’s so hard to see that I deserve love. How do you read my mind so well?
    story recently posted..Swimming lessons

  11. Yael
    June 22, 2011 | 1:41 pm

    So glad you found this helpful! Dancing in my chair. And what I love about what you said is that knowing that just because you are hurting right now doesn’t mean you won’t be happy tomorrow, well, doesn’t it actually help you hurt less right now? I love how the tiniest ray of light is effective at turning a black hole into a tunnel, that you can walk through, with the support of us who love and adore you.

  12. Rach (DonutsMama)
    June 22, 2011 | 1:32 pm

    I love this. You write beautifully. This is what I needed so badly to hear and to quit beating myself up. I’m saving this. I’m printing it and putting it where I can see it everyday. Thank you. Just because I’m hurting today doesn’t mean I won’t be happy tomorrow.

  13. Yael
    May 31, 2011 | 8:32 am

    Oh, Jamie, I’m so glad you think this is helpful. You are the most caring doc I ever met, so this means a lot coming from you. And thank you for posting your first blog comment ever — I really appreciate it.

  14. Jamie Loehr
    May 30, 2011 | 10:25 pm

    Great advice Yael. I plan to post this in my office so I can provide patients with another perspective when they are feeling down. And by the way – this is the first time I have ever commented on a blog

  15. Pamela Gold
    May 5, 2011 | 2:22 pm

    YOU are amazing too! xoxox
    Pamela Gold recently posted..Anonymous Submissions – – One Final Release

  16. Pamela Gold
    May 5, 2011 | 2:22 pm

    How do you do it. How do you always say the right thing? I’m emotional today and your “move through the clouds out into the sunshine, and and when it pours, dance together in the rain” made me teary.
    Pamela Gold recently posted..Anonymous Submissions – – One Final Release

  17. Yael
    May 5, 2011 | 1:56 pm

    Yes, Pamela is so amazing, and so are you.
    And yes, she has a right to be pissed, and so do you.
    And I’m going to do my best to write helpful things so we can all move through the clouds out into the sunshine, and and when it pours, dance together in the rain.

  18. Yael
    May 5, 2011 | 1:54 pm

    I’m so honored and happy to have touched you on all the right levels. I do hope this helps. I love you.

  19. Yael
    May 5, 2011 | 1:52 pm

    I started responding to your comment and it turned into a whole new post. it’s here: http://www.ppdtojoy.com/blog/wise-woman/

    I’m sending you love.

  20. charity
    May 5, 2011 | 9:46 am

    Thanks for writing this. It fit right where I am. The ppdemons are winning right now. I’ve been taken out of work again and been advised to go to hospital. We’re holding off on that for right now.

  21. Pamela Gold
    May 4, 2011 | 8:26 am

    Oh Yael….What a wonderful post from beginning to end. I am honored. It is stocked with information to help us out of a rut and I am hitting print right now. Thank you so much for taking the time to put this together. It’s fabulous on all the right levels! xoxox
    Pamela Gold recently posted..Anonymous Submissions – – One Final Release

  22. MamaRobinJ
    May 3, 2011 | 9:25 pm

    First, Pamela is amazing. She’s been fighting a long time and has a right to feel pissed off. But she’s taking things face on and getting through.

    Also, I love “PPDemons”!

    And I had forgotten about “Don’t believe everything you think.” Adding it to my list so I’ll have it when I need it.
    MamaRobinJ recently posted..Master of The Zone