So a week ago today, I took time to pamper myself with yoga and bath and yumyum. and wrote about it in the previous post. And the plan was to do some of this today too. and I didn’t.

a major case of  “i don’t feel like it”  showed up. And I am giving it a chance to run its course. So I dropped the kids off at school and came home hungry. and had no energy to make anything yummy. So I made popcorn in the microwave and a pot of tea. and had some salty crunch for breakfast. And that was a good way around this idonwana thing. An easy, if not very elegant solution.

I am not very joyful this morning. (who am I kidding, morning is the worst time of the day for me, but most mornings , I feel like myself by 10am. not today.) I’m not actively practicing self-care. But I am practicing self-kindness. I am not beating myself up over feeling the “blech”. I recognize that being human in general, and being me in particular, involves days like this. or maybe I should call it moments like this. It is just what is. annoying. and temporary. and it no longer means that I’m sliding back down into the pit of depression.

Sure, I don’t love this. but the difference between kind-to-self me, and depressed-me is that I’m not making myself wrong. I’m not calling myself names (not a single “bad mother” or “ungrateful person” going around my head), and I am not fighting. I’m allowing myself to feel my feelings, giving my emotions their due-respect, and not buying into the habitual guilt response that tries to creep up. I’m a long-time subscriber to the “don’t believe everything you think” school of thought. This nugget I garnered from a bumper sticker (really!) about 5 years ago has been super-useful ever since. It sure comes in handy on grumpy mornings like this one.

I am preparing for a phone call with a friend who is willing to help on the tech-side of things, writing this blog post and doing the daily facebook/twitter community building stuff.I’m going through the to-do list and doing things well enough. I’m allowing for some give. I have no energy for proper capitalization, so I’m going to hope and trust that you will bear with me anyway.

After this comes the do my homework for me to domyhomework.guru solution part, which elaborates what you, did in the field, the process, style, the outcome and the results.

I’m getting ready to be done with the grump. Not quite, but soon. The non-judgmental treatment is helping, because whatever is inside me that needs to be grumpy is feeling heard, and will soon be done tugging at my skirt (the fact that I’m wearing sweatpants has nothing to do with skirt-tugging). I may take charge soon, maybe by doing some yoga poses or taking some deep breaths. I might listen to Hades Town again, because it’s so beautiful and sad and hopeful it makes me feel that “I’m really human” feeling. Yes. definitely some Hades Town is in order.

I will heat last night’s soup. I will make salad. Or maybe I’ll just have the soup with crackers, cause that’s easier. and right now, the easy way out, is just what the doctor should have ordered.

hugs to you. I sure need some good hugging today, so send some in my direction, ok?

Yael.

ps. I think this is might be the next experiment in the LOVEratory. Yes. letting bad feelings be heard without giving them power to rule me. interesting.

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