The skills of the Gentle Art of Self-Kindness:

Skills for effective parenting:

• Parent Talk: based on the book and program by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haler, this set of parenting communication skills made all the difference in our family: from toddler wars to clear and loving communications. This method was so transformative that I traveled to study with Chick and Thomas and became a certified Parent Talk facilitator.
• Parenting to meet needs rather than expectations: if much of your parenting is influenced by what other people might think, I bet you find yourself in painful and rather impossible situations. Relationships with extended family members get strained, and you might experience feeling a lack of integrity and direction in your parenting. This skill is about identifying what’s most important to you and your beloveds, finding your own clarity of how to respond in sticky/scary/exacerbating situations, and  maintaining healthy boundaries with those you feel judged by.
• Adding the mama’s needs to the family equation: in many families the perceived needs of the kids are what drives the allocation of time and resources, and the parents’ needs (especially the mother’s need for  things like rest, privacy, self care, or self expression, not to mention access to food while it’s still hot) are utterly ignored. The trouble with this model is that it is not only unsustainable, it actually does the whole family a disservice. Aiming to meet the needs of all family members is not just a revolutionary idea, it’s also the way to establish a healthy family culture in which everybody thrives.
• Helping older children adjust to the birth of a new sibling:  parents can do much to help an older child feel emotionally safe during this transition in ways that prevent violence towards the baby, and sooth the mama’s guilt. These skills will also help prevent sibling rivalry from becoming a growing problem when the children are older.
• Disarming sibling rivalry: nothing is more painful than watching your children hurt each other emotionally or physically. Helping your children feel secure in your love enough so they can access their love for each other is one of the most rewarding investments you can make in your family.
• Other parenting challenges I love to help with: disarming volatile situations like toddler tantrums, power-struggles, easing the morning rush craziness (see Jenny’s testimonial below), and getting kids to contribute around the house.
• Parenting skills I’m NOT teaching: getting your baby to sleep through the night (I was excruciating ineffective at that one). Toilet training in three days. How to get your child to eat vegetables. I am, however, fully equipped to support you in enduring and coping with such challenges.

The Parent Talk principles I learned from Yael made a huge difference in my relationship with my younger child. He used to have very violent tantrums, and I was powerless to protect his older brother. I was resentful of him, felt guilty for my anger and shame for my inability to control a three year old boy. Yael taught me how to give him choices that avoid head-on power struggles and set loving boundaries that give me my power back. The best part is that I learned how to parent effectively without disempowering him at all. On the contrary, he is so much happier these days. Also, I no longer see taking time for myself to rest or to make art as selfish things. Without this guilt, I’ve been carving time and space for my creativity: painting and even making jewelry again.”

~Edna, Mother of 2 boys: 3 and 5, Ithaca, NY.

When we started working with Yael, our focus was learning the Parent Talk communication skills, aiming to reduce frustrations for our two year old girl. We were very impressed with the results. Then we experienced a traumatic late-term pregnancy loss, and the focus of our work shifted to Permission-Based Healing and self-kindness. Yael helped us find comfort in a time of grief, and showed my wife and I ways to be kind and supportive of each other during one of  the hardest times of our lives.”

~ Mika’s dad, Brooklyn, NY.

My parenting support work draws from my Parent Talk training, and is also heavily (and happily) influenced by the ideas of many authors and thinkers, especially Kim John Payn (Simplicity Parenting), and Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish (How to Talk so Kids will Listen & Listen so Kids will Talk) and Alfie Kohn (Unconditional Parenting).

My Self Kindness work draws from the wisdom of Marshal Rosenberg (Nonviolent Communication), The Work of Byron Katie, Abraham Low (Recovery International), Havi Brooks (The Fluent Self), and Hiro Boga, among others. See the left sidebar for links to works by these brilliant minds. This is what Havi had to say about my work:

Yael’s Permission-Based healing work is really important whether you have kids or not. Yael is kind, curious, committed and wonderfully creative. I know she really and truly cares about safe spaces and internal process. Plus she does UnGuilt Trips. Yay!”

~ Havi Brooks, author of the The Fluent Self 

Very important!
Coaching with me is not therapy or medical advice.

My work is all about social support and teaching emotional and social skills. I share everything I learned in my journey of recovery from my PPD driven suicide attempt 7 years ago, the skills and tools that took me from being utterly miserable to becoming the (mostly) happy mama that I am today. But I am no doctor or therapist. I have no medical or mental health qualifications. You should have  an ongoing relationship with a trusted medical professional if you are suffering from depression and/or anxiety.

Also, just to be clear: yes, I can teach these skills, but this doesn’t mean that I always get them perfectly right in my own life. I wish I could tell you I never yell at my kids or fight with my husband, but having these skills means that I never feel so cornered that I have to scream. In the depth of my depression, I used to feel like a trapped and wounded animal. Now, even on bad days, even during setbacks and life’s challenges like illnesses and accidents (tfu! tfu! tfu!), I operate from the deep trust that even in situations I have no power over, I am far from powerless: Permission-Based Healing and Self-Kindness are all about maintaining access to my power exactly in the situations which I have no power over, and this is exactly what I want to teach every parent (make that every person) who is willing to do the emotional work that is required to learn this. Check out my This I Believe page for more on that.

To schedule your free 20 minutes exploration session with me, please answer these three questions.

You may use the comment box below, or for more privacy, just copy and paste the questions into a regular email to ppdttojoy {at} gmail {dot} com.

1. What challenges are pestering you?
What are the things that trouble you these days? Please rank them in the order of importance.

2. Which of the above skills is/are calling your name?

3.  What are things like at home these days?
How old are the kids? Do you have any help? Is DH supportive, challenging, or both? Do you have a doctor or therapist that you trust? How much sleep are you getting? Tell me a bit about you, your family, and if you are struggling with PPD, a bit about that too.

Your answers to these questions don’t need to be long, just give me enough basic information so we can make better use of our time on the phone together. 

And as always, whether you choose to work with me or not, I love you so much just for being here and reading this. May the joy be with you.

More Testimonials:

Coaching with Yael is such a sweet experience. She is so gentle yet very effective. I felt very comfortable on the phone with her, I was able to discuss things I’m sometimes intimidated to talk about face to face with my therapist. I love that coaching is not about talking about the past, that we focus on solving specific and current problems. Yael’s suggestions for improving the mad mornings rush in my home are effective and comforting. I no longer feel like a drill-sergeant barking orders at my older daughter, and the best part is that this more loving attitude diffuses power struggles and actually gets us out the door faster.”

~Jenny, (@jenrenpody on twitter), Port Washington, WI

Every time I talk to Yael, I walk away from our conversation feeling so much more comfortable in my own skin. She creates an utterly safe emotional environment, and with her guidance I experience my own ability and power to replace my fears and worries with patterns of self-kindness and trust. Yes, I may be flawed, vulnerable and fully human, but I am learning how to be compassionate and forgiving toward myself in intelligent ways. I wish every mother in the world had access to Yael’s teachings. It is such a blessing to interact with my worries about motherhood and learn these self-kindness skills before becoming a mother myself.”

~Simone, (@SimoneThinks on twitter) Brooklyn, NY,

I greatly appreciated Yael’s gentle and nurturing approach. She is skilled at creating a safe space for expression of all kinds. Yael’s insight and perceptions helped me find my own clarity and inner wisdom, and the simple Parent-Talk suggestions have deepened my connection with my 5 year old girl and reduced our conflicts, which helps reduce my guilt after separating from her father. I recommend Yael’s coaching to any mama struggling with the challenges of motherhood.”

~ Sarah, Ithaca, NY.

Before talking to Yael, I was focusing more on what I was doing wrong than what I was doing right. It is much easier to learn new skills when I come from a place of trust, and giving myself credit where it’s due is huge.  Yael made me feel so safe and supported. I love that her suggestions were a combination of things I already have access to, as well as new skills that I can acquire at my own pace.”

~Laura E., New Hampshire