Instead of resolutions: a Permission Slip to Slip.

And the the giveaway winner is: Laura.
Hugs to all who didn’t win this time, more chances coming soon.

This post is dedicated to my beloved #ppdchat friends. I’ve been so consumed  with creating events and classes here in Ithaca, that I’ve been rather absent on twitter. I miss you all, I’ll be back soon.
And of course, to all the Ithaca mamas I was so fortunate to get to know in my UnGuilt Trip class, and the  Mama’s Comfort Camp classes and Support groups, I love you more than words can tell! And to all the local mamas who are thinking of coming to these classes, I can’t wait to meet you!
And to all the far away mamas who wish you could come to these classes — oh, how I wish I could beam you over. And until then, I hope you can join the next PPD SpeakEasy Call on Tuesday Jan.17 at 8:30pm EST.

Just one day before the end of 2011, let me ask you this:
Did your December harbor a setback?
Anxiety, overwhelm, depression?
December is the hardest month of the year for most people, and if you take care of a family, it gets even harder. If all the guests, and the traveling, and the gifts, and the cooking, and the family, and the friends, and the parties, and the lists, and the resolutions, if all of these made you feel like you’ve been swallowed by a boa constrictor, please remember that you are not alone. (If you actually happen to be alone this holiday season and you are drowning in loneliness, that can feel like a boa constrictor, too). The overall too much/not enough nature of this month depletes us and feeds the PPDemons. No wonder December is hard on me; it’s hard on everybody (even those who look good doing it are probably struggling). Especially if you are recovering from a mood disorder, please remember that December is one big setback waiting to happen, which totally sucks. The only upside of slipping is that every setback is an opportunity to practice self-kindness and Permission-Based Healing.

I’ve said before (in the post that started the Rainy Day Letters Series) that setbacks and slipping are an integral part of recovery, darn it!  You begin to get better, have a good day here and there, then some good days in a row. But then good days are inevitably followed by bad ones, and when a bad day comes, the difference between a setback and crushing back into the abyss is in how you treat yourself when you fall.

Having a Permission Slip to Slip can make getting back up a whole lot easier.

When you have a setback, instead of believing your PPDemons that the improvement is just an illusion and the abyss is where you truly belong, I invite you to try something else:

Give yourself permission to struggle. Dare to give yourself permission to lick your wounds compassionately, and instead of fighting and judging yourself for your weaknesses, take a moment to recognize your strengths. We both know you have some in spades, (strengths, that is), but it’s so easy to ignore them, even easier to discount them. So how about shining the light of your attention on what you are doing right? When you slip, you only notice what you are doing wrong, so for a minute now, would you play with me?
I’d like you to imagine yourself literally holding the torch which is the light of your attention. Got it?  Now move it around your awareness to find the treasures hiding in the dark: take a look at the past month and tell me what have you been rocking despite all the hard? Who have you been amazing with? When did you prevail against the odds? Where did the power of your love shine? No moment is too simple, no accomplishment too small. I can’t wait to hear what you find. Would you be willing to  share what you find in the comments below?

A confession: I’m noticing that a part of me is feeling guilty for not writing this post at the beginning of the month. Oh, how I wish I had shared this idea with you before we had to jump through all the hoops of the holidays. But the idea just showed up today, one day before New Year’s Eve.  It’s fascinating to behold this reaction; I can feel this in my heart and in the pit of my stomach. It’s oh so tempting to dwell on this deficiency and believe the monsters that say that I should just scratch this blog post.
But I will walk my talk and shine the light of my attention on the upside: that a permission slip to slip is useful no matter when, and that despite not always being “on time”, my penchant for wordplay is helpful in my healing, and hopefully in yours, too.  So here I am giving you one big fat Permission Slip to Slip (or a shiny tiny one, you pick) and I trust that you’ll make the best of it, today, tomorrow the last day of this year, and in 2012, and maybe for the rest of your life.

And speaking of the end of the year, I’m not about to make resolutions. Instead I’m consciously invoking the qualities that I want to have in my life:
Let 2012 be resplendent with self-kindness, nourishment, trust, and play.
A permission slip to slip makes so much sense in this context.
Self-Kindness, Nourishment, Trust, and Play.
Which qualities will you invoke for yourself?

Self-kindness, nourishment, trust, and play are the guiding principles in the UnGuilt Trip Class. The 2nd Ithaca UnGuilt Trip  will take off on January 31, which is a month from New Year’s eve. I’ll be teaching this class online (for the very first time) in late February. Details and testimonials are right here.

Comment magic, and my first giveaway ever:
If you share the strengths that you discovered while holding the torch of your awareness, I will dance for joy. If you share the qualities you are invoking for 2012, I will blow bubbles and kisses in your direction. If you dare to share your thoughts here and then share this post with your peeps on twitter and/or facebook, you will enter to win a self-kindness coaching session with me: just the two of us on the phone for one hour, UnGuilting, disarming your PPDemons, sowing seeds for internal support structures. One winner will be selected via a drawing from a hat (a hot-pink hat with ears!). I’ll pick a winner next Thursday, that’s January 5, 2012.

This is the first time I’m offering a giveaway of any kind, and I’m noticing all kinds of resistances here. What if people don’t like this? What if nobody comments? What if a ton of people comment, and I’ll feel bad about having to pick just one? What if, what if, what if? But I’m going to stretch my comfort zone and experiment with this. If we get a lot of responses, well, we’ll just have to offer this again, maybe monthly, maybe every other week for a couple of months, we’ll try and learn. 

As always, but especially on the eve of a new year, oceans of love to all who read.
Whether you comment or not, happy new year to you, my dear.
I am so grateful to you for choosing to spend your precious time reading my words and walking this path with me.

May the joy be with you.

– – – – – – – – –

Will I see you soon?
These are the PPD to Joy January events:

Mama’s Comfort Camp class:
Tuesday mornings: January 10, 17, 24, 31, 10:30 to noon (no class Jan. 3rd).
Sunday Afternoon: January 22, 4:00-5:30pm.

Ithaca Support group:
Tuesday January 10 12:30-1:30pm
This month’s meeting will include a taste of the UnGuilt Trip Class.

The PPD SpeakEasy support phone chat
Tuesday January 17, 8:30pm Eastern
Free and loving, mothers from near and far.
Subscribe on the right to get the call numbers.

The 2nd Ithaca UnGilt Trip
The 6 weeks adventure begins
on Tuesday Jan 31, 12:30-2:00pm.


 

12 Responses to Instead of resolutions: a Permission Slip to Slip.
  1. Yael
    January 5, 2012 | 9:54 pm

    The name that was pulled out of the pink hat with ears is: Laura!
    check your inbox for a message from me. Hugs.

  2. Yael
    January 5, 2012 | 9:43 am

    Thank you for the vote of confidence, my love.

  3. Yael
    January 5, 2012 | 9:42 am

    Amen! three lucky generations of a loving family. :)

  4. Yael
    January 5, 2012 | 9:41 am

    yay for huge pink mental permission slip to slip. And yes, if I draw your name out of the hat, you may transfer the prise to your IRL friend. What a good friend you are!

  5. Sarah Murphy
    January 4, 2012 | 2:50 pm

    I love this idea. I have a huge pink mental permission slip with 2012 on it. I hope it reminds me to be kinder to myself, to my family, and to others.

    I am content again and it is a fabulous place to be. I am excited for spring and for seeing who my girls will be in a few short months.

    Btw, is the prize transferable? I was thinking of an IRL friend…

  6. story
    January 4, 2012 | 12:29 pm

    I so love the idea of a permission slip to slip. This holiday season I rocked being a mom, and I think I did a pretty good job of being a daughter too. And for the New Year, I am going to go ahead and invoke peace and purpose. I have a pretty good feeling about those.

  7. Robin @ Farewell, Stranger
    January 2, 2012 | 12:09 am

    I’ve missed your beautiful wisdom. And bless you for offering to share it. Someone will benefit so much from that. xo
    Robin @ Farewell, Stranger recently posted..One Year Later

  8. Laura Ellsworth
    December 31, 2011 | 10:25 am

    Thanks Yael! Sitting here during the calm before the storm…the girls are watching tv. Your kind thoughts mean a lot. I really appreciate it.

  9. Yael
    December 31, 2011 | 8:32 am

    Wow, Laura, that’s one big huge pile of hard! congratulations on surviving this challenging time. Grace underfire is overrated in my book, full permission to struggle and rant! Holding you in the light, and sending happy birthday hugs to the little one and to mom. Yay for hair colored and cut, and enjoy the NYE party, you have sure urned these perks.

  10. Yael
    December 31, 2011 | 8:30 am

    Sweet Jenny, I’m so glad this touched you where you needed to be touched. Thank you for your hugs to me, savored.
    Sending love for those hard ER memories.

  11. Jenny
    December 31, 2011 | 1:38 am

    Yael, thank you so much for this. I really needed your
    words of wisdom tonight. So I’m giving myself permission
    to struggle because it’s the holidays. I am approaching
    the one year anniversary of my trip to the ER and the stay
    in the hospital with my baby. So I am giving myself hugs
    for the hard. Sending you lots of hugs!

  12. Laura Ellsworth
    December 30, 2011 | 11:15 pm

    Ever since Thanksgiving we have had one setback after another. First the motorhome we used to get down to my inlaws crapped out, then there was a second problem, then a third. In the midst of it Bill sent the girls and I home on a plane, so I was dealing with them and getting this house set up for Christmas alone, as well as getting all the Christmas cards out…something I’ve not done in YEARS. Bill came home before the motorhome was done, so we had 3/4 of a week with him here, got the tree up, I got a lot of shopping done…and then his Dad passed the Wednesday night before Christmas. So he flew back down to his Mom’s on Thursday, where he’s going to be until this Wednesday, when he and his Mom will go back up to the motorhome (5 hour drive), and he’ll start home Thursday. In the meantime, yesterday was our youngest’s 3rd birthday, and tomorrow is her party. So Ive done the whole Christmas and birthday (and tomorrow’s party) alone. Tomorrow night I’ll be going to a New Year’s party alone, just to get out and give myself a much needed break. Yesterday I also got my hair colored and cut, and got a manicure too.

Instead of resolutions: a Permission Slip to Slip.

And the the giveaway winner is: Laura.
Hugs to all who didn’t win this time, more chances coming soon.

This post is dedicated to my beloved #ppdchat friends. I’ve been so consumed  with creating events and classes here in Ithaca, that I’ve been rather absent on twitter. I miss you all, I’ll be back soon.
And of course, to all the Ithaca mamas I was so fortunate to get to know in my UnGuilt Trip class, and the  Mama’s Comfort Camp classes and Support groups, I love you more than words can tell! And to all the local mamas who are thinking of coming to these classes, I can’t wait to meet you!
And to all the far away mamas who wish you could come to these classes — oh, how I wish I could beam you over. And until then, I hope you can join the next PPD SpeakEasy Call on Tuesday Jan.17 at 8:30pm EST.

Just one day before the end of 2011, let me ask you this:
Did your December harbor a setback?
Anxiety, overwhelm, depression?
December is the hardest month of the year for most people, and if you take care of a family, it gets even harder. If all the guests, and the traveling, and the gifts, and the cooking, and the family, and the friends, and the parties, and the lists, and the resolutions, if all of these made you feel like you’ve been swallowed by a boa constrictor, please remember that you are not alone. (If you actually happen to be alone this holiday season and you are drowning in loneliness, that can feel like a boa constrictor, too). The overall too much/not enough nature of this month depletes us and feeds the PPDemons. No wonder December is hard on me; it’s hard on everybody (even those who look good doing it are probably struggling). Especially if you are recovering from a mood disorder, please remember that December is one big setback waiting to happen, which totally sucks. The only upside of slipping is that every setback is an opportunity to practice self-kindness and Permission-Based Healing.

I’ve said before (in the post that started the Rainy Day Letters Series) that setbacks and slipping are an integral part of recovery, darn it!  You begin to get better, have a good day here and there, then some good days in a row. But then good days are inevitably followed by bad ones, and when a bad day comes, the difference between a setback and crushing back into the abyss is in how you treat yourself when you fall.

Having a Permission Slip to Slip can make getting back up a whole lot easier.

When you have a setback, instead of believing your PPDemons that the improvement is just an illusion and the abyss is where you truly belong, I invite you to try something else:

Give yourself permission to struggle. Dare to give yourself permission to lick your wounds compassionately, and instead of fighting and judging yourself for your weaknesses, take a moment to recognize your strengths. We both know you have some in spades, (strengths, that is), but it’s so easy to ignore them, even easier to discount them. So how about shining the light of your attention on what you are doing right? When you slip, you only notice what you are doing wrong, so for a minute now, would you play with me?
I’d like you to imagine yourself literally holding the torch which is the light of your attention. Got it?  Now move it around your awareness to find the treasures hiding in the dark: take a look at the past month and tell me what have you been rocking despite all the hard? Who have you been amazing with? When did you prevail against the odds? Where did the power of your love shine? No moment is too simple, no accomplishment too small. I can’t wait to hear what you find. Would you be willing to  share what you find in the comments below?

A confession: I’m noticing that a part of me is feeling guilty for not writing this post at the beginning of the month. Oh, how I wish I had shared this idea with you before we had to jump through all the hoops of the holidays. But the idea just showed up today, one day before New Year’s Eve.  It’s fascinating to behold this reaction; I can feel this in my heart and in the pit of my stomach. It’s oh so tempting to dwell on this deficiency and believe the monsters that say that I should just scratch this blog post.
But I will walk my talk and shine the light of my attention on the upside: that a permission slip to slip is useful no matter when, and that despite not always being “on time”, my penchant for wordplay is helpful in my healing, and hopefully in yours, too.  So here I am giving you one big fat Permission Slip to Slip (or a shiny tiny one, you pick) and I trust that you’ll make the best of it, today, tomorrow the last day of this year, and in 2012, and maybe for the rest of your life.

And speaking of the end of the year, I’m not about to make resolutions. Instead I’m consciously invoking the qualities that I want to have in my life:
Let 2012 be resplendent with self-kindness, nourishment, trust, and play.
A permission slip to slip makes so much sense in this context.
Self-Kindness, Nourishment, Trust, and Play.
Which qualities will you invoke for yourself?

Self-kindness, nourishment, trust, and play are the guiding principles in the UnGuilt Trip Class. The 2nd Ithaca UnGuilt Trip  will take off on January 31, which is a month from New Year’s eve. I’ll be teaching this class online (for the very first time) in late February. Details and testimonials are right here.

Comment magic, and my first giveaway ever:
If you share the strengths that you discovered while holding the torch of your awareness, I will dance for joy. If you share the qualities you are invoking for 2012, I will blow bubbles and kisses in your direction. If you dare to share your thoughts here and then share this post with your peeps on twitter and/or facebook, you will enter to win a self-kindness coaching session with me: just the two of us on the phone for one hour, UnGuilting, disarming your PPDemons, sowing seeds for internal support structures. One winner will be selected via a drawing from a hat (a hot-pink hat with ears!). I’ll pick a winner next Thursday, that’s January 5, 2012.

This is the first time I’m offering a giveaway of any kind, and I’m noticing all kinds of resistances here. What if people don’t like this? What if nobody comments? What if a ton of people comment, and I’ll feel bad about having to pick just one? What if, what if, what if? But I’m going to stretch my comfort zone and experiment with this. If we get a lot of responses, well, we’ll just have to offer this again, maybe monthly, maybe every other week for a couple of months, we’ll try and learn. 

As always, but especially on the eve of a new year, oceans of love to all who read.
Whether you comment or not, happy new year to you, my dear.
I am so grateful to you for choosing to spend your precious time reading my words and walking this path with me.

May the joy be with you.

– – – – – – – – –

Will I see you soon?
These are the PPD to Joy January events:

Mama’s Comfort Camp class:
Tuesday mornings: January 10, 17, 24, 31, 10:30 to noon (no class Jan. 3rd).
Sunday Afternoon: January 22, 4:00-5:30pm.

Ithaca Support group:
Tuesday January 10 12:30-1:30pm
This month’s meeting will include a taste of the UnGuilt Trip Class.

The PPD SpeakEasy support phone chat
Tuesday January 17, 8:30pm Eastern
Free and loving, mothers from near and far.
Subscribe on the right to get the call numbers.

The 2nd Ithaca UnGilt Trip
The 6 weeks adventure begins
on Tuesday Jan 31, 12:30-2:00pm.


 

12 Responses to Instead of resolutions: a Permission Slip to Slip.
  1. Yael
    January 5, 2012 | 9:54 pm

    The name that was pulled out of the pink hat with ears is: Laura!
    check your inbox for a message from me. Hugs.

  2. Yael
    January 5, 2012 | 9:43 am

    Thank you for the vote of confidence, my love.

  3. Yael
    January 5, 2012 | 9:42 am

    Amen! three lucky generations of a loving family. :)

  4. Yael
    January 5, 2012 | 9:41 am

    yay for huge pink mental permission slip to slip. And yes, if I draw your name out of the hat, you may transfer the prise to your IRL friend. What a good friend you are!

  5. Sarah Murphy
    January 4, 2012 | 2:50 pm

    I love this idea. I have a huge pink mental permission slip with 2012 on it. I hope it reminds me to be kinder to myself, to my family, and to others.

    I am content again and it is a fabulous place to be. I am excited for spring and for seeing who my girls will be in a few short months.

    Btw, is the prize transferable? I was thinking of an IRL friend…

  6. story
    January 4, 2012 | 12:29 pm

    I so love the idea of a permission slip to slip. This holiday season I rocked being a mom, and I think I did a pretty good job of being a daughter too. And for the New Year, I am going to go ahead and invoke peace and purpose. I have a pretty good feeling about those.

  7. Robin @ Farewell, Stranger
    January 2, 2012 | 12:09 am

    I’ve missed your beautiful wisdom. And bless you for offering to share it. Someone will benefit so much from that. xo
    Robin @ Farewell, Stranger recently posted..One Year Later

  8. Laura Ellsworth
    December 31, 2011 | 10:25 am

    Thanks Yael! Sitting here during the calm before the storm…the girls are watching tv. Your kind thoughts mean a lot. I really appreciate it.

  9. Yael
    December 31, 2011 | 8:32 am

    Wow, Laura, that’s one big huge pile of hard! congratulations on surviving this challenging time. Grace underfire is overrated in my book, full permission to struggle and rant! Holding you in the light, and sending happy birthday hugs to the little one and to mom. Yay for hair colored and cut, and enjoy the NYE party, you have sure urned these perks.

  10. Yael
    December 31, 2011 | 8:30 am

    Sweet Jenny, I’m so glad this touched you where you needed to be touched. Thank you for your hugs to me, savored.
    Sending love for those hard ER memories.

  11. Jenny
    December 31, 2011 | 1:38 am

    Yael, thank you so much for this. I really needed your
    words of wisdom tonight. So I’m giving myself permission
    to struggle because it’s the holidays. I am approaching
    the one year anniversary of my trip to the ER and the stay
    in the hospital with my baby. So I am giving myself hugs
    for the hard. Sending you lots of hugs!

  12. Laura Ellsworth
    December 30, 2011 | 11:15 pm

    Ever since Thanksgiving we have had one setback after another. First the motorhome we used to get down to my inlaws crapped out, then there was a second problem, then a third. In the midst of it Bill sent the girls and I home on a plane, so I was dealing with them and getting this house set up for Christmas alone, as well as getting all the Christmas cards out…something I’ve not done in YEARS. Bill came home before the motorhome was done, so we had 3/4 of a week with him here, got the tree up, I got a lot of shopping done…and then his Dad passed the Wednesday night before Christmas. So he flew back down to his Mom’s on Thursday, where he’s going to be until this Wednesday, when he and his Mom will go back up to the motorhome (5 hour drive), and he’ll start home Thursday. In the meantime, yesterday was our youngest’s 3rd birthday, and tomorrow is her party. So Ive done the whole Christmas and birthday (and tomorrow’s party) alone. Tomorrow night I’ll be going to a New Year’s party alone, just to get out and give myself a much needed break. Yesterday I also got my hair colored and cut, and got a manicure too.