Long Live the Empress: Alexandra of Good Day Regular People

Look darlings, Alexandra is here! I adore her, and her blog Good Day Regular People is one of the most comforting, nourishing, loving places in the whole wide internet. Case and point: on Valentine’s day most of the internet made me want to puke, but her post? Made me do something good that day.  And she is visiting us here, with her wisdom and her story. She is @GDRPempress on Twitter, and trust me, you want to follow her. 

About half of all new mothers will feel some sort of mood disorder, but these women are sometimes ashamed to admit these feelings. Among this high percentage, 10 to 15 percent will struggle with PPD, but there is still a stigma attached, both by society and brought on by the affected mother herself.
Roughly 6 percent within that group will have symptoms of anxiety and panic from PPD, but still these women feel judged, as if this is a reflection of their parenting abilities.
It’s this judgment by society that keeps many women from seeking help and being diagnosed. They don’t want to be whispered about, or have heads nodding in their direction as they walk past other mothers at playgroup.
Yael’s mission is to normalize PPD, to give it a face, so that we as a sisterhood reach out and help those among us burdened with Postpartum Depression. PPD isn’t a character flaw, it’s not a sign of emotional weakness, it’s not a choice to bail out on parenting duties.
PPD is real. I survived it with my firstborn. My hope for this post is to make this illness real to you here reading today, and to soften your heart toward those grasping for a hand during those torturous times.
Research shows that the earlier a woman is diagnosed, the better her chances are for a quicker recovery and less severity of her symptoms.
I knew immediately after giving birth to my first child that something didn’t feel right. There was no joy. I wanted to burst into tears, but was too ashamed to say anything. I kept quiet about the black cloud over my head for close to four weeks. Four weeks of tears, insomnia, crushing loneliness that made the time feel more like four years. Finally, at my three week postpartum check, I sat in my Doctor’s office and just sobbed. I couldn’t even put words together. Thank God she picked up the phone and had me walk over to a therapist who was in the same building, who she had see me immediately after my appointment.
I was lucky. I had a physician that reacted quickly and took my tears as something more than baby blues.
For me, she gave me what I needed to hear in order to have hope:
1. She showed concern.
2. She told me there was treatment that would work.
3. She told me I would get better.
4. She told me none of this was my fault.
Number four was the biggie that I clung to that day in her office.
Such sweet salve to combat the thoughts of self blame swirling in my head: Not My Fault.
I hope that if you see someone who you think might have PPD, or if you know someone with PPD right now, that you pull them up, lift them up, give them the gift of acceptance and compassion.
Because increased social support is one of the very best predictors for the remission of PPD. That’s why being a friend to someone with PPD is so incredibly important.
Be that friend that makes a difference. Help that PPD mom to get better.
Help their baby to get their mommy back.
– – –
Thank god for that caring doctor! And thank god for all the friends who are making a difference and helping give babies their mommies back.
And thank you, Alexandra, for your thoughts and your story.
If you are one of Alexandra’s readers, hello to lovely and amazing regular you. I’m honored that you stopped by, and hope you will take a look around. If you only have time to read one other page, try this one about why I stopped fighting with postpartum depression and what I do instead: it’s called Permission-Based Healing.

Comment magic:
Talk to Alexandra, talk to me, talk to you. Your thoughts are valued here.

As always, oceans of love to all who read.
Whether you comment or not, may the joy be with you.

45 Responses to Long Live the Empress: Alexandra of Good Day Regular People
  1. seo Dunstable
    September 27, 2014 | 1:49 am

    Aw, this was an incredibly good post. Spending some time and
    actual effort tto produce a top notch article… but what can I say…
    I pput things offf a whole lot andd don’t seem to get anything done.
    seo Dunstable recently posted..seo Dunstable

  2. Leticia
    May 24, 2012 | 12:36 am

    Thank you for your post….I certainly don’t feel great today, but I am getntig help and trying my best. I just wish I could make the process of getntig better go quicker. I am nine months PPD and it feels like it will never end. Thanks for the encouragment.

  3. Yael
    February 22, 2012 | 12:30 pm

    Thank you Robin my love. hugs.

  4. Yael
    February 22, 2012 | 12:29 pm

    Galit, You always warm my heart. Thank you so much.

  5. Yael
    February 22, 2012 | 12:28 pm

    Jennie, you nailed it, it’s all about bringing a spark of light to the darkness. hugs and thank you.

  6. Haylee Isaacson
    February 21, 2012 | 3:17 pm

    Well the body is going through so many changes once the baby is out so PPD is a very true thing. Then the mother has the added stress about the baby in general, you mix all these factors together and its going to be very rough. My advice is, be healthy, try to stress less, sleep as much as you can and let your husband take care of the baby.

  7. Lady Jennie
    February 20, 2012 | 2:51 pm

    I’m so glad there are voices out there that serve as a point of light in the darkness that is PPD.
    Lady Jennie recently posted..Peanut Butter (Sugar-Free) Teff Cookies

  8. Galit Breen
    February 19, 2012 | 6:18 pm

    Stunning, raw, poignant as always.

    And having the two of you together as the face of sisterhood? Perfection.
    Galit Breen recently posted..Less, and More

  9. Robin @ Farewell, Stranger
    February 19, 2012 | 6:04 pm

    Beautiful Alexandra. She is a light among lights. And the two of you together? Wow.
    Robin @ Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Keeping Secrets

  10. Yael
    February 18, 2012 | 9:25 pm

    indeed! “isolation is the demon that PPD feeds on.”
    So true, and we will break its spell.
    Thank you again for coming and sharing your perspective. much love.

  11. Yael
    February 18, 2012 | 9:23 pm

    Brian, you totally nailed it. Without community, I’d be dead by now. THe support I got through the people I know in real life during my darkest days totally saved my life. And now, with #ppdchat and other online communities, I feel safer.
    With support from online friends and IRL friends we can turn the struggles into growth. Hugs to you.

  12. Yael
    February 18, 2012 | 9:20 pm

    So sad that so many people still don’t get it.
    And yes, thank goodness, and thank God for meds, good docs, and honest sharing.
    I love your work and I’m thrilled to see you here. Hugs for the hard, and lotsa love your way.

  13. Yael
    February 18, 2012 | 9:17 pm

    Kim, you already know this but I just must say this again: I love you. so very much.

  14. Yael
    February 18, 2012 | 8:53 pm

    Alison, It is so nice to see you here! thank you for the kind words of encouragement. And yes, ditto about I wish I’d known about PPD blogs during my darkest days seven years ago, I wish I’d known about you and Robin, and Alexandra back then…
    Well, hugs for the hard we had then and hugs for having each other now.

  15. Yael
    February 18, 2012 | 8:51 pm

    Alexandra, you took the words out of my mouth! Frelle’s amazing ability to reach out is validating to so many who need it. Love you both!

  16. Yael
    February 18, 2012 | 11:33 am

    OMG, you rock, man! This:
    http://gopopgo.wordpress.com/2011/05/19/postpartum-depression-a-guide-for-dads/
    just blew me away. I wish I could have pointed my DH in your direction back then. He has learned so much since, but still…
    and this: ” But being powerless is VERY different from being worthless. When it comes to supporting your wife through postpartum depression, your value isn’t in what you can do but who you are. Be there for her. Love her.”
    i want that on tshirts and bumper stickers.
    So glad you stopped by! thank you.

  17. Yael
    February 18, 2012 | 11:25 am

    Suni, How I wish I could be there for you too. hugs for past hards, and for current ones too.

  18. Yael
    February 18, 2012 | 11:24 am

    shaking fists at the dismissive OB! sending the stomach bug that has taken over my family to visit them. (I’m only half joking, nothing bothers me more than docs who ignore ppd.)
    I wish I had found you in 2004, it is when my first was born and I was struggling with my first bout of depression, the one that ended in the psych ward…
    I just read your blog and I’m so so glad I found you. I hope you find the time and the inclination to continue writing it, and if not, I hope to see you here again. so much love your way.

  19. Yael
    February 18, 2012 | 11:10 am

    Alexandra, I’m so proud of you for making it, and even more for talking about this, especially over a decade after your struggles. This is so generous of you. Yes, I know you feel driven to do this, but that doesn’t make it any less generous of you. a huge hug to you.

  20. Yael
    February 18, 2012 | 11:07 am

    Jenny, thank you for coming here, thank you for pinpointing the problem so well. yes, the more we talk about this the better. I made the short video “not the only freak in town” in order to help mothers talk to husbands and in-laws and bosses… showing them someone else’s story can save you a lot of words. It’s only 5 minutes, and Jenny from the previous comment used it to start some meaningful conversations with har family and get more support. I hope it helps you in some way. You can find it here: http://www.ppdtojoy.com/tough-convo/
    Much love!

  21. Yael
    February 18, 2012 | 11:00 am

    Jenny, you are helping moms in whatever way you can. your support on twitter and FB has been invaluable, and your willingness to explore co-hosting the PPD SpeakEasy call with me speaks volumes. While you work full time for corporate america and take care of your family in what’s left of your time, there is only so much you can do to support others, but you have been totally dong it. you rock, my dear. I love knowing you are there, that you care, that you make so much effort. So much love to you.

  22. Alexandra
    February 18, 2012 | 2:04 am

    It is something so difficult to put into words. I just remember the panic, anxiety, insomnia, anorexia, sheer terror and fear of losing my mind.

    I have never felt like that ever again…and I clearly remember it.

    It was beyond terrifying.
    Alexandra recently posted..The One Thing

  23. Alexandra
    February 18, 2012 | 2:03 am

    Kimberly, my girl: we will be the warriors for so many.

    Who needs to find us, will find us.

    xo
    Alexandra recently posted..The One Thing

  24. Alexandra
    February 18, 2012 | 2:02 am

    It’s frightening, isn’t it, Alison? How I wish I would’ve known about blogging and the internet. I would have recovered so much sooner than I did.

    ANd I’ve never gone into detail, but, believe me…there were some moments of panic for me.

    Love you and all your support, ALison..you are very special to me.
    Alexandra recently posted..The One Thing

  25. Alexandra
    February 18, 2012 | 2:01 am

    Thank you, FRelle. What greater honor is there than to share in someone’s struggle? If we can help someone, then it matters that we’re here.

    Thank you for all your support, Frelle. YOu have no idea how many people YOU have helped to feel less lonely.
    Alexandra recently posted..The One Thing

  26. Frelle
    February 17, 2012 | 9:01 pm

    thank you for sharing your story and validating so many women. I love your heart for supporting others and loving us with your words *HUG*
    Frelle recently posted..A Hallmark Moment Between Friends

  27. Alison@Mama Wants This
    February 17, 2012 | 7:58 pm

    Alexandra, Yael, never stop talking about PPD, please. Especially for new moms who have no idea what has just come over them as soon as their baby is here.

    I did not have PPD, but I’m pretty sure I had more than my fair share of anxiety and dark days and fortunately, I managed to pull myself out of it with the help of my husband and close friends – I wish I had discovered the world of blogs then and knew where to seek help and assurance.

    So thank you ladies and all who help those who need it – with your words and encouragement.

  28. Kimberly
    February 17, 2012 | 7:37 pm

    I can’t even begin to tell you how proud I am of you.
    Can’t.
    You and I (Yael and all moms who blog about PPD) know how hard it is to sneak a peek back at where we came from and to share with others. But it is important.
    It is vital because there is a mom right this very second walking in the shoes we once did.
    She feels alone.
    We need to reach out our hand and grab onto her tightly.
    Empress,
    I love you like mad.
    Xoxo
    Kimberly recently posted..World Meet Champ

  29. Kimberly
    February 17, 2012 | 7:34 pm

    I had no idea that your wife fought it.
    I’ve only heard my husband talk about what he personally went through AFTER my head poked out of the fog.
    I had no idea.
    But you are so right…being powerless is completely different from worthless.
    And I will tell you that husbands are such an important factor in recovery. I seriously would have lost this fight if it weren’t for my husband.
    You should post about this Pop.
    Kimberly recently posted..World Meet Champ

  30. Yael
    February 17, 2012 | 7:26 pm

    wow, everybody, I love all of these heartfelt comments, and Alexandra, thank you so much for replying to so many. We have a stomach bug attack, the boys and their dad are all throwing up, so guess what mom is doing today? I’ll respond to the comments when things calm down, and the smelly sheets are in the dryer…
    hugs to all of you in the meantime.

  31. Jenny
    February 17, 2012 | 6:08 pm

    Thank you Yael and Alexandra for sharing your stories. I want so much to be able to give back to a mom in need like I was helped by my therapist, my cousin and my family.

    PPD is real, and it is so devastating. It caused me to isolate myself from the very people who could help me. I do not want any of my friends or family to suffer like I did.

  32. Alexandra
    February 17, 2012 | 4:00 pm

    Cece: I am so happy to see you and I miss you. Going to email you now, and catch up.

    I miss you so much.
    Alexandra recently posted..The One Thing

  33. Alexandra
    February 17, 2012 | 3:59 pm

    You are a very special husband, father, and human being, gopopgo.

    YOu need to know that.

    Thank you.
    Alexandra recently posted..The One Thing

  34. Alexandra
    February 17, 2012 | 3:59 pm

    Community, encouragement of one another, uplifting of each other’s spirits, love for fellow man.

    What we are MEANT to do.

    Thank you for all your kindnesses toward me.

    So much.
    Alexandra recently posted..The One Thing

  35. Alexandra
    February 17, 2012 | 3:58 pm

    Erin, please, never feel alone. Reach out, use twitter and blogging and websites and forums…NEVER think there is no one that understands.

    We do.
    Alexandra recently posted..The One Thing

  36. Alexandra
    February 17, 2012 | 3:57 pm

    Suni, how we could have helped each other. To think, we were barely hanging on to sanity at the same time.

    xo
    Alexandra recently posted..The One Thing

  37. Alexandra
    February 17, 2012 | 3:57 pm

    This is the danger, Jenny: PPD makes you isolate yourself, when you need to REACH OUT. But there is so much shame b/c you have a baby..and people will say to you, “BE JOYOUS.”

    It’s a very hard time, and I remember it as if it were yesterday.

    I am so proud of myself for making it.

    I never thought I would be on this end: the encouraging end.
    Alexandra recently posted..The One Thing

  38. Jenni Chiu
    February 17, 2012 | 3:19 pm

    I love that when Alexandra needed a hand, there was one there for her… and I love that she (and you, Yael)can now be that hand to others.
    Thank you for continuing to speak out…PPD is a tricky, dark, and lonely disorder. Like Erin, my husband still understand. The more we raise awareness, the more the understanding will follow.
    Jenni Chiu recently posted..America’s Fit Party – Because kids don’t have credit cards.

  39. Only You
    February 17, 2012 | 1:18 pm

    I wish I had known you when I first became a mother. Your line about the fact that you felt something was wrong when you didn’t feel joy really struck me (as well as the fact that 4 weeks felt like 4 years)…that is exactly how I felt, but I assumed it was normal, and I assumed I was just not cut out to be a “real” mom. My ob, whom I did love, dismissed my feelings as “Ah, that’s normal” and did not pursue it any further. (I was overseas at the time.) I just struggled on my own and eventually got better, but it was a long and tough journey. It seems so long ago now (as it was, now being almost 8 years later). Thank you for continuing to write about this for the many women who are becoming new moms every day! If only I could have found you back in 2004.

  40. The Suniverse (@TheSuniverse)
    February 17, 2012 | 12:58 pm

    Having suffered from this almost 16 years ago and, while in the midst, thinking no one could ever save me or help me, I’m thrilled that people are now talking about this more openly.

  41. erin margolin
    February 17, 2012 | 11:46 am

    I love you and I love this.

    I hate that so many people still JUST DON’T GET IT. Including my very own husband, despite his best intentions.

    Thank goodness for therapists, medication, and the honesty shared by lovely people like you, here.
    erin margolin recently posted..Censorship, Playboy and Women’s Bodies in the Media

  42. brian miller
    February 17, 2012 | 11:30 am

    thanks empress…the practical call for community there in the end…it def helps not just with PPD but many of the struggles people have with mood and other wise….
    brian miller recently posted..55/MTB – at the grocery

  43. Pop
    February 17, 2012 | 10:02 am

    What a lovely post Alexandra! I too am glad we had the lovely Interwebs to help us through when my wife was suffering. For any dads that may read this, you may feel powerless when your wife is suffering through PPD, much as you did when your wife was going through labor. But being powerless is VERY different from being worthless. When it comes to supporting your wife through postpartum depression, your value isn’t in what you can do but who you are. Be there for her. Love her.
    Pop recently posted..Toddler Night Terrors

  44. Alexandra
    February 17, 2012 | 9:40 am

    Thank you so much, Yael, How I wish I would have had the internet, this site, people like you in my life when I struggled with PPD 17 years ago.

    So frightening, that it feel as if it were just yesterday…

    If anyone thinks they may be experiencing PPD, please contact your MD….there are medications and talk therapy and support groups. There are wonderful websites. Get on twitter and hashtag #PPD…isolation is the demon that PPD feeds on.

    Reach out, even when you feel you don’t have an ounce of anything in you…reach out. Call, email, talk, contact: do it.

    It’s the most important first step of action that you can take.

    We are all sisters in this fight, and we will hold and carry you, till the day you can step forward on your own .

  45. Alexandra
    February 17, 2012 | 9:39 am

    Thank you so much, Yael, How I wish I would have had the internet, this site, people like you in my life when I struggled with PPD 17 years ago.

    So frightening, that it feel as if it were just yesterday…

    If anyone thinks they may be experiencing PPD, please contact your MD….there are medications and talk therapy and support groups. There are wonderful websites. Get on twitter and hashtag #PPD…isolation is the demon that PPD feeds on.

    Reach out, even when you feel you don’t have an ounce of anything in you…reach out. Call, email, talk, contact: do it.

    It’s the most important first step of action that you can take.

    We are all sisters in this fight, and we will hold and carry you, till the day you can step forward on your own.

Long Live the Empress: Alexandra of Good Day Regular People

Look darlings, Alexandra is here! I adore her, and her blog Good Day Regular People is one of the most comforting, nourishing, loving places in the whole wide internet. Case and point: on Valentine’s day most of the internet made me want to puke, but her post? Made me do something good that day.  And she is visiting us here, with her wisdom and her story. She is @GDRPempress on Twitter, and trust me, you want to follow her. 

About half of all new mothers will feel some sort of mood disorder, but these women are sometimes ashamed to admit these feelings. Among this high percentage, 10 to 15 percent will struggle with PPD, but there is still a stigma attached, both by society and brought on by the affected mother herself.
Roughly 6 percent within that group will have symptoms of anxiety and panic from PPD, but still these women feel judged, as if this is a reflection of their parenting abilities.
It’s this judgment by society that keeps many women from seeking help and being diagnosed. They don’t want to be whispered about, or have heads nodding in their direction as they walk past other mothers at playgroup.
Yael’s mission is to normalize PPD, to give it a face, so that we as a sisterhood reach out and help those among us burdened with Postpartum Depression. PPD isn’t a character flaw, it’s not a sign of emotional weakness, it’s not a choice to bail out on parenting duties.
PPD is real. I survived it with my firstborn. My hope for this post is to make this illness real to you here reading today, and to soften your heart toward those grasping for a hand during those torturous times.
Research shows that the earlier a woman is diagnosed, the better her chances are for a quicker recovery and less severity of her symptoms.
I knew immediately after giving birth to my first child that something didn’t feel right. There was no joy. I wanted to burst into tears, but was too ashamed to say anything. I kept quiet about the black cloud over my head for close to four weeks. Four weeks of tears, insomnia, crushing loneliness that made the time feel more like four years. Finally, at my three week postpartum check, I sat in my Doctor’s office and just sobbed. I couldn’t even put words together. Thank God she picked up the phone and had me walk over to a therapist who was in the same building, who she had see me immediately after my appointment.
I was lucky. I had a physician that reacted quickly and took my tears as something more than baby blues.
For me, she gave me what I needed to hear in order to have hope:
1. She showed concern.
2. She told me there was treatment that would work.
3. She told me I would get better.
4. She told me none of this was my fault.
Number four was the biggie that I clung to that day in her office.
Such sweet salve to combat the thoughts of self blame swirling in my head: Not My Fault.
I hope that if you see someone who you think might have PPD, or if you know someone with PPD right now, that you pull them up, lift them up, give them the gift of acceptance and compassion.
Because increased social support is one of the very best predictors for the remission of PPD. That’s why being a friend to someone with PPD is so incredibly important.
Be that friend that makes a difference. Help that PPD mom to get better.
Help their baby to get their mommy back.
– – –
Thank god for that caring doctor! And thank god for all the friends who are making a difference and helping give babies their mommies back.
And thank you, Alexandra, for your thoughts and your story.
If you are one of Alexandra’s readers, hello to lovely and amazing regular you. I’m honored that you stopped by, and hope you will take a look around. If you only have time to read one other page, try this one about why I stopped fighting with postpartum depression and what I do instead: it’s called Permission-Based Healing.

Comment magic:
Talk to Alexandra, talk to me, talk to you. Your thoughts are valued here.

As always, oceans of love to all who read.
Whether you comment or not, may the joy be with you.

45 Responses to Long Live the Empress: Alexandra of Good Day Regular People
  1. seo Dunstable
    September 27, 2014 | 1:49 am

    Aw, this was an incredibly good post. Spending some time and
    actual effort tto produce a top notch article… but what can I say…
    I pput things offf a whole lot andd don’t seem to get anything done.
    seo Dunstable recently posted..seo Dunstable

  2. Leticia
    May 24, 2012 | 12:36 am

    Thank you for your post….I certainly don’t feel great today, but I am getntig help and trying my best. I just wish I could make the process of getntig better go quicker. I am nine months PPD and it feels like it will never end. Thanks for the encouragment.

  3. Yael
    February 22, 2012 | 12:30 pm

    Thank you Robin my love. hugs.

  4. Yael
    February 22, 2012 | 12:29 pm

    Galit, You always warm my heart. Thank you so much.

  5. Yael
    February 22, 2012 | 12:28 pm

    Jennie, you nailed it, it’s all about bringing a spark of light to the darkness. hugs and thank you.

  6. Haylee Isaacson
    February 21, 2012 | 3:17 pm

    Well the body is going through so many changes once the baby is out so PPD is a very true thing. Then the mother has the added stress about the baby in general, you mix all these factors together and its going to be very rough. My advice is, be healthy, try to stress less, sleep as much as you can and let your husband take care of the baby.

  7. Lady Jennie
    February 20, 2012 | 2:51 pm

    I’m so glad there are voices out there that serve as a point of light in the darkness that is PPD.
    Lady Jennie recently posted..Peanut Butter (Sugar-Free) Teff Cookies

  8. Galit Breen
    February 19, 2012 | 6:18 pm

    Stunning, raw, poignant as always.

    And having the two of you together as the face of sisterhood? Perfection.
    Galit Breen recently posted..Less, and More

  9. Robin @ Farewell, Stranger
    February 19, 2012 | 6:04 pm

    Beautiful Alexandra. She is a light among lights. And the two of you together? Wow.
    Robin @ Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Keeping Secrets

  10. Yael
    February 18, 2012 | 9:25 pm

    indeed! “isolation is the demon that PPD feeds on.”
    So true, and we will break its spell.
    Thank you again for coming and sharing your perspective. much love.

  11. Yael
    February 18, 2012 | 9:23 pm

    Brian, you totally nailed it. Without community, I’d be dead by now. THe support I got through the people I know in real life during my darkest days totally saved my life. And now, with #ppdchat and other online communities, I feel safer.
    With support from online friends and IRL friends we can turn the struggles into growth. Hugs to you.

  12. Yael
    February 18, 2012 | 9:20 pm

    So sad that so many people still don’t get it.
    And yes, thank goodness, and thank God for meds, good docs, and honest sharing.
    I love your work and I’m thrilled to see you here. Hugs for the hard, and lotsa love your way.

  13. Yael
    February 18, 2012 | 9:17 pm

    Kim, you already know this but I just must say this again: I love you. so very much.

  14. Yael
    February 18, 2012 | 8:53 pm

    Alison, It is so nice to see you here! thank you for the kind words of encouragement. And yes, ditto about I wish I’d known about PPD blogs during my darkest days seven years ago, I wish I’d known about you and Robin, and Alexandra back then…
    Well, hugs for the hard we had then and hugs for having each other now.

  15. Yael
    February 18, 2012 | 8:51 pm

    Alexandra, you took the words out of my mouth! Frelle’s amazing ability to reach out is validating to so many who need it. Love you both!

  16. Yael
    February 18, 2012 | 11:33 am

    OMG, you rock, man! This:
    http://gopopgo.wordpress.com/2011/05/19/postpartum-depression-a-guide-for-dads/
    just blew me away. I wish I could have pointed my DH in your direction back then. He has learned so much since, but still…
    and this: ” But being powerless is VERY different from being worthless. When it comes to supporting your wife through postpartum depression, your value isn’t in what you can do but who you are. Be there for her. Love her.”
    i want that on tshirts and bumper stickers.
    So glad you stopped by! thank you.

  17. Yael
    February 18, 2012 | 11:25 am

    Suni, How I wish I could be there for you too. hugs for past hards, and for current ones too.

  18. Yael
    February 18, 2012 | 11:24 am

    shaking fists at the dismissive OB! sending the stomach bug that has taken over my family to visit them. (I’m only half joking, nothing bothers me more than docs who ignore ppd.)
    I wish I had found you in 2004, it is when my first was born and I was struggling with my first bout of depression, the one that ended in the psych ward…
    I just read your blog and I’m so so glad I found you. I hope you find the time and the inclination to continue writing it, and if not, I hope to see you here again. so much love your way.

  19. Yael
    February 18, 2012 | 11:10 am

    Alexandra, I’m so proud of you for making it, and even more for talking about this, especially over a decade after your struggles. This is so generous of you. Yes, I know you feel driven to do this, but that doesn’t make it any less generous of you. a huge hug to you.

  20. Yael
    February 18, 2012 | 11:07 am

    Jenny, thank you for coming here, thank you for pinpointing the problem so well. yes, the more we talk about this the better. I made the short video “not the only freak in town” in order to help mothers talk to husbands and in-laws and bosses… showing them someone else’s story can save you a lot of words. It’s only 5 minutes, and Jenny from the previous comment used it to start some meaningful conversations with har family and get more support. I hope it helps you in some way. You can find it here: http://www.ppdtojoy.com/tough-convo/
    Much love!

  21. Yael
    February 18, 2012 | 11:00 am

    Jenny, you are helping moms in whatever way you can. your support on twitter and FB has been invaluable, and your willingness to explore co-hosting the PPD SpeakEasy call with me speaks volumes. While you work full time for corporate america and take care of your family in what’s left of your time, there is only so much you can do to support others, but you have been totally dong it. you rock, my dear. I love knowing you are there, that you care, that you make so much effort. So much love to you.

  22. Alexandra
    February 18, 2012 | 2:04 am

    It is something so difficult to put into words. I just remember the panic, anxiety, insomnia, anorexia, sheer terror and fear of losing my mind.

    I have never felt like that ever again…and I clearly remember it.

    It was beyond terrifying.
    Alexandra recently posted..The One Thing

  23. Alexandra
    February 18, 2012 | 2:03 am

    Kimberly, my girl: we will be the warriors for so many.

    Who needs to find us, will find us.

    xo
    Alexandra recently posted..The One Thing

  24. Alexandra
    February 18, 2012 | 2:02 am

    It’s frightening, isn’t it, Alison? How I wish I would’ve known about blogging and the internet. I would have recovered so much sooner than I did.

    ANd I’ve never gone into detail, but, believe me…there were some moments of panic for me.

    Love you and all your support, ALison..you are very special to me.
    Alexandra recently posted..The One Thing

  25. Alexandra
    February 18, 2012 | 2:01 am

    Thank you, FRelle. What greater honor is there than to share in someone’s struggle? If we can help someone, then it matters that we’re here.

    Thank you for all your support, Frelle. YOu have no idea how many people YOU have helped to feel less lonely.
    Alexandra recently posted..The One Thing

  26. Frelle
    February 17, 2012 | 9:01 pm

    thank you for sharing your story and validating so many women. I love your heart for supporting others and loving us with your words *HUG*
    Frelle recently posted..A Hallmark Moment Between Friends

  27. Alison@Mama Wants This
    February 17, 2012 | 7:58 pm

    Alexandra, Yael, never stop talking about PPD, please. Especially for new moms who have no idea what has just come over them as soon as their baby is here.

    I did not have PPD, but I’m pretty sure I had more than my fair share of anxiety and dark days and fortunately, I managed to pull myself out of it with the help of my husband and close friends – I wish I had discovered the world of blogs then and knew where to seek help and assurance.

    So thank you ladies and all who help those who need it – with your words and encouragement.

  28. Kimberly
    February 17, 2012 | 7:37 pm

    I can’t even begin to tell you how proud I am of you.
    Can’t.
    You and I (Yael and all moms who blog about PPD) know how hard it is to sneak a peek back at where we came from and to share with others. But it is important.
    It is vital because there is a mom right this very second walking in the shoes we once did.
    She feels alone.
    We need to reach out our hand and grab onto her tightly.
    Empress,
    I love you like mad.
    Xoxo
    Kimberly recently posted..World Meet Champ

  29. Kimberly
    February 17, 2012 | 7:34 pm

    I had no idea that your wife fought it.
    I’ve only heard my husband talk about what he personally went through AFTER my head poked out of the fog.
    I had no idea.
    But you are so right…being powerless is completely different from worthless.
    And I will tell you that husbands are such an important factor in recovery. I seriously would have lost this fight if it weren’t for my husband.
    You should post about this Pop.
    Kimberly recently posted..World Meet Champ

  30. Yael
    February 17, 2012 | 7:26 pm

    wow, everybody, I love all of these heartfelt comments, and Alexandra, thank you so much for replying to so many. We have a stomach bug attack, the boys and their dad are all throwing up, so guess what mom is doing today? I’ll respond to the comments when things calm down, and the smelly sheets are in the dryer…
    hugs to all of you in the meantime.

  31. Jenny
    February 17, 2012 | 6:08 pm

    Thank you Yael and Alexandra for sharing your stories. I want so much to be able to give back to a mom in need like I was helped by my therapist, my cousin and my family.

    PPD is real, and it is so devastating. It caused me to isolate myself from the very people who could help me. I do not want any of my friends or family to suffer like I did.

  32. Alexandra
    February 17, 2012 | 4:00 pm

    Cece: I am so happy to see you and I miss you. Going to email you now, and catch up.

    I miss you so much.
    Alexandra recently posted..The One Thing

  33. Alexandra
    February 17, 2012 | 3:59 pm

    You are a very special husband, father, and human being, gopopgo.

    YOu need to know that.

    Thank you.
    Alexandra recently posted..The One Thing

  34. Alexandra
    February 17, 2012 | 3:59 pm

    Community, encouragement of one another, uplifting of each other’s spirits, love for fellow man.

    What we are MEANT to do.

    Thank you for all your kindnesses toward me.

    So much.
    Alexandra recently posted..The One Thing

  35. Alexandra
    February 17, 2012 | 3:58 pm

    Erin, please, never feel alone. Reach out, use twitter and blogging and websites and forums…NEVER think there is no one that understands.

    We do.
    Alexandra recently posted..The One Thing

  36. Alexandra
    February 17, 2012 | 3:57 pm

    Suni, how we could have helped each other. To think, we were barely hanging on to sanity at the same time.

    xo
    Alexandra recently posted..The One Thing

  37. Alexandra
    February 17, 2012 | 3:57 pm

    This is the danger, Jenny: PPD makes you isolate yourself, when you need to REACH OUT. But there is so much shame b/c you have a baby..and people will say to you, “BE JOYOUS.”

    It’s a very hard time, and I remember it as if it were yesterday.

    I am so proud of myself for making it.

    I never thought I would be on this end: the encouraging end.
    Alexandra recently posted..The One Thing

  38. Jenni Chiu
    February 17, 2012 | 3:19 pm

    I love that when Alexandra needed a hand, there was one there for her… and I love that she (and you, Yael)can now be that hand to others.
    Thank you for continuing to speak out…PPD is a tricky, dark, and lonely disorder. Like Erin, my husband still understand. The more we raise awareness, the more the understanding will follow.
    Jenni Chiu recently posted..America’s Fit Party – Because kids don’t have credit cards.

  39. Only You
    February 17, 2012 | 1:18 pm

    I wish I had known you when I first became a mother. Your line about the fact that you felt something was wrong when you didn’t feel joy really struck me (as well as the fact that 4 weeks felt like 4 years)…that is exactly how I felt, but I assumed it was normal, and I assumed I was just not cut out to be a “real” mom. My ob, whom I did love, dismissed my feelings as “Ah, that’s normal” and did not pursue it any further. (I was overseas at the time.) I just struggled on my own and eventually got better, but it was a long and tough journey. It seems so long ago now (as it was, now being almost 8 years later). Thank you for continuing to write about this for the many women who are becoming new moms every day! If only I could have found you back in 2004.

  40. The Suniverse (@TheSuniverse)
    February 17, 2012 | 12:58 pm

    Having suffered from this almost 16 years ago and, while in the midst, thinking no one could ever save me or help me, I’m thrilled that people are now talking about this more openly.

  41. erin margolin
    February 17, 2012 | 11:46 am

    I love you and I love this.

    I hate that so many people still JUST DON’T GET IT. Including my very own husband, despite his best intentions.

    Thank goodness for therapists, medication, and the honesty shared by lovely people like you, here.
    erin margolin recently posted..Censorship, Playboy and Women’s Bodies in the Media

  42. brian miller
    February 17, 2012 | 11:30 am

    thanks empress…the practical call for community there in the end…it def helps not just with PPD but many of the struggles people have with mood and other wise….
    brian miller recently posted..55/MTB – at the grocery

  43. Pop
    February 17, 2012 | 10:02 am

    What a lovely post Alexandra! I too am glad we had the lovely Interwebs to help us through when my wife was suffering. For any dads that may read this, you may feel powerless when your wife is suffering through PPD, much as you did when your wife was going through labor. But being powerless is VERY different from being worthless. When it comes to supporting your wife through postpartum depression, your value isn’t in what you can do but who you are. Be there for her. Love her.
    Pop recently posted..Toddler Night Terrors

  44. Alexandra
    February 17, 2012 | 9:40 am

    Thank you so much, Yael, How I wish I would have had the internet, this site, people like you in my life when I struggled with PPD 17 years ago.

    So frightening, that it feel as if it were just yesterday…

    If anyone thinks they may be experiencing PPD, please contact your MD….there are medications and talk therapy and support groups. There are wonderful websites. Get on twitter and hashtag #PPD…isolation is the demon that PPD feeds on.

    Reach out, even when you feel you don’t have an ounce of anything in you…reach out. Call, email, talk, contact: do it.

    It’s the most important first step of action that you can take.

    We are all sisters in this fight, and we will hold and carry you, till the day you can step forward on your own .

  45. Alexandra
    February 17, 2012 | 9:39 am

    Thank you so much, Yael, How I wish I would have had the internet, this site, people like you in my life when I struggled with PPD 17 years ago.

    So frightening, that it feel as if it were just yesterday…

    If anyone thinks they may be experiencing PPD, please contact your MD….there are medications and talk therapy and support groups. There are wonderful websites. Get on twitter and hashtag #PPD…isolation is the demon that PPD feeds on.

    Reach out, even when you feel you don’t have an ounce of anything in you…reach out. Call, email, talk, contact: do it.

    It’s the most important first step of action that you can take.

    We are all sisters in this fight, and we will hold and carry you, till the day you can step forward on your own.