Asking for your help

Asking for help is hard. So hard.
Because:
Admitting that we need help = that we can’t handle something all by ourselves = we are not the uber-capable being that we wish ourselves to be, that we want others to think of us as.

Well, it hurts.

We want to be good enough to go at it alone. But this wanting keeps us from healing, from connecting, from growing.
Asking for help doesn’t mean we are incompetent. It means we are responsible.

When the going gets tough, the smart ask for help. 

And once you start asking for help, you get it. And you “get” it.
The “get” it part, is sort of an internal release. It’s both humbling and empowering. It’s about permission, and trust, and community. It’s also scary:
What if people won’t want to help?
What if people will help and I won’t like it?
And as you let people help you, you fine-tune your asking. You learn who to ask, and who not to. You learn how to ask, the tone and level of details that are useful, so what you get, while possibly not perfect, is still very good. Very Good Enough.

So in my work with mothers, I always talk about how hard, how scary, and how very worth it it is to ask for help.
And today, I’m walking my talk.

I’m asking you to help me with something important:

The PPD SpeakEasy support phone chat (and I) need your help. 

Postpartum Depression to Joy
I need help spreading the word, the love, the hope, all the time.
But this month I need lots more help.
1. Because September = SpeakEasy x 3.
The first one is tomorrow, Tuesday Sept. 13 at 8:30pm Eastern.
2. Because I’m in pain. The physical kind. Neck and shoulders. Typing hurts. I’m typing this post in 5 minutes intervals (with timer!) and 15 minutes breaks in between. so slow. so annoying!!! stomping!!! Ahem, yes, I need help.

Details:
1. We usually have one monthly call, but there will be three calls in September.
Because it’s my birthday, and I want to spend it with you.

2. And while typing hurts, talking is just fine. I can speak, so I can SpeakEasy. Thank goodness.

3. The plan was to write about this, and tweet it up, and facebook it up the wazoo, and guest post, and what-not, so mothers from all over the web will find this support option and connect to other mamas where we can hear each others’ voices and sometimes even the babble or cry of a baby in the background. It’s really personal, and really stunning, in the best way possible.

I was supposed to be promoting this resource. Instead, I’ve been doing physical therapy, and taking painkillers, and muscle relaxants. These guys are making me feel so loopy, I need to think about focusing my eyes. So the posts that were supposed to happen in the last weeks? Not so much. And this post is taking forever to write, and I’m betting there are enough typos in it to feed a snark. Or a PPDemon.

So that’s where you can help.
If you have a place on the internet, please consider sharing the PPD SpeakEasy.
You could post my button on your side bar, or on your resource page. Grab the HTML code from the sidebar on the right.
Or just include a link to this page:
http://www.ppdtojoy.com/support/speakeasy-call/
It’s got the how and the what and frequently asked questions.

If you participated in a SpeakEasy before, you could write a post about your experience. Like Robin did on Friday. You can post it on your site, or you could write a guest post here. That would be so great.

If you don’t have a website, you can help by telling mamas in your life about this resource. Forward a link to this page to a friend who is having a hard time, and perhaps even to that friend who looks like she is having it easy. (You never know what she is feeling inside. You could be providing her with an opportunity to speak freely, with you and with others about her real struggles.)

You could also tweet about the call. If you are not sure how to put the whole idea into 140 characters, how about using these ready-made tweets?

Talking to other mothers w/ #PPD saves lives. Join @yaelsaar for 3 free&loving #PPDSpeakEasy support calls in Sept. http://ow.ly/6oo9Y

Or this:
Motherhood is hard. Sharing makes it easier. Join @yaelsaar for 3 free & loving #PPDSpeakEasy support calls in Sept. http://ow.ly/6oo9Y

You could “Like” PPD to Joy on Facebook.

You could share this on your FB wall:

Do you know about the PPD SpeakEasy support chat for mothers? A free, confidential & loving phone call. There is nothing quite like talking to other mothers who “get it”. This monthly chat is hosted by Yael Saar of PPDtojoy.com. In September, to celebrate her birthday, Yael will be holding 3 chats: Tuesday Sept.13 at 8:30 pm, Sunday Sept.18 at 2:00pm, Tuesday Sept. 27 at noon (all times Eastern). For more info and sign up click here: http://www.ppdtojoy.com/support/speakeasy-call/

And this is the biggest ask:

I’m looking for co-hosts.
While I’m thrilled to offer three calls in September, I have the intention to offer the SpeakEasy every week. But It’s not something that I can realistically take on alone.
So I’m looking for other ppd moms who are willing to co-host with me in the future. I’m not asking for commitment right now. All I’m asking is that you explore the idea, and be open to this possibility. I’m thinking that if I get 5 co-hosts, that would be a good start. You would begin by attending the calls as a participant for a few times, then I will provide you with training, where I will share my simple structure for hosting the call. It’s really all about listening and very little procedural stuff. It is much simpler than it sounds.
So my hope is to have you know about this option, hear your voice in upcoming calls, and then hear from you that you feel called to co-host. I hope to get 5 moms on board, that would be a good start that will give us a solid footing.
I hope to hold a training in a few months. And then start offering the call on a weekly basis, so mothers can build it into their weekly self-care and support structures.

What do you think?

I’ve been doing this, PPDtoJoy-ing here for almost a year. There are things I can do by myself, but I can do so much more with help.
In my wildest dream, the SpeakEasy is offered every day. Now wouldn’t that be amazing? It’s a big idea, that can totally become reality. If we take it in baby steps. And the first step is asking for help.

Not because I am not good enough alone, but because I can do so much more together with you.

Comment magic:
Your comments are extra helpful right now. Just saying…
If you do link, post, tweet, and such, make sure to let me know, OK? I’m limiting my screen time because of the pain in the neck, so if I don’t get back to you right away, it’s not because I don’t love you, you know.

I love you from here to Pluto and back. 
May the Joy be with you.

18 Responses to Asking for your help
  1. Deborah Koval
    June 5, 2014 | 8:26 pm

    You need to take good care of yourself. You said that you are doing physical therapy, and taking painkillers, and muscle relaxants, so don’t stress yourself too much.

  2. Cristi Comes
    September 13, 2011 | 1:47 pm

    I’ll share all over Yael. Hope yOu get to feeling better very soon xo
    Cristi Comes recently posted..I Closed My Eyes & Stepped

  3. Pamela Gold
    September 13, 2011 | 8:26 am

    What a wonderful way to spend the lunch hour! I’ll join then as well!!!
    Pamela Gold recently posted..PPD to Joy – – SpeakEasy Free Telephone Support Chats with Yael Saar

  4. Pamela Gold
    September 13, 2011 | 8:25 am

    I’ve blogged about it here: http://bit.ly/oJ1CnJ and have been tweeting it like crazy as well as sharing it on Facebook. I’ve placed the button in my sidebar. I hope that I will be able to some day soon help you with volunteering but my head is still wrapping around my new Bipolar diagnosis.
    Pamela Gold recently posted..PPD to Joy – – SpeakEasy Free Telephone Support Chats with Yael Saar

  5. Nicole
    September 12, 2011 | 10:36 pm

    Sharing! Much love, lady! <3
    Nicole recently posted..A Lot of Reflection

  6. LocoYaya
    September 12, 2011 | 9:54 pm

    i tweeted and shared. here through Pamela. great site and glad to read so much positive.
    LocoYaya recently posted..How long is long enough?

  7. Yael
    September 12, 2011 | 9:50 pm

    Thank you so much. For the tweets and the support. I so wish I could have been there with you
    when you needed to be heard. are retroactive hugs comforting at all?
    Sending buckets of them.

  8. Yael
    September 12, 2011 | 9:26 pm

    Thank you so much for your tweets and updates. much appreciated and savored. hugs to you.

  9. Yael
    September 12, 2011 | 9:25 pm

    Gosh, I’m thrilled that you are planning on joining the lunchtime call. Thank you!

  10. Yael
    September 12, 2011 | 9:25 pm

    Can’t wait to hear your voice. and I’m so glad you are open to the idea of hosting. yaying.

  11. Yael
    September 12, 2011 | 9:24 pm

    Sweetie, I’m so sorry you suffered alone. You can totally call the speakeasy even when in the worst most darkest place. You can speak no wrong at the #ppdSpeakEasy. You are welcome, as you are, pain, fear, and anger, you hear me? And it sounds like you are doing so much better. I’m so glad.

  12. Anderzoid
    September 12, 2011 | 3:53 pm

    I first heard about your speak easy when I was on my way out of the perinatal mood disorder hell. So, I never knew if I should call in. I’ve found so much love & support since then while dealing with my lingering mental health issues. So I guess I’m saying, I’ll help, if it’s ok?

  13. Robin | Farewell, Stranger
    September 12, 2011 | 3:44 pm

    Shared, of course, and will keep doing so.
    Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Walking the TEDx Talk

  14. Laura
    September 12, 2011 | 1:27 pm

    I hope to participate on the call this weekend
    AND, if I can, I’d love to help cohost, but we shall see how it goes.

  15. Jaime
    September 12, 2011 | 1:17 pm

    I’ll do my best to spread the word & to participate in the lunchtime call on Sept. 27th. I’m very excited to be part of it!

  16. Andrea
    September 12, 2011 | 1:12 pm

    Sadly, I’ve never done a call. But I would lOVE to.

    I’d also love to help promote (grabbing your button shortly!), and absolutely help host!

    Just let me know what you need from me, mama. I’m here in any way I can be.

    I’m sorry you feel so ick. I wish I were nearby so I could bring you some lovee!
    Andrea recently posted..It’s Been Ten Years

  17. Alexandra
    September 12, 2011 | 12:48 pm

    I will tweet, and share.

    It’s at night, when I work, but if I go online, and see it going on,you know I will contribute.

    Thank you for doing this! It DOES matter, and it would’ve made a huge difference to me, when I battled PPD on my own, knowing no one , who understood.

    These were times that I never would’ve wished on anyone.
    Alexandra recently posted..Unimaginable Realities – For Anna See

  18. Leighann
    September 12, 2011 | 12:39 pm

    I will TWEET and FB and share the heck out of this!

Asking for your help

Asking for help is hard. So hard.
Because:
Admitting that we need help = that we can’t handle something all by ourselves = we are not the uber-capable being that we wish ourselves to be, that we want others to think of us as.

Well, it hurts.

We want to be good enough to go at it alone. But this wanting keeps us from healing, from connecting, from growing.
Asking for help doesn’t mean we are incompetent. It means we are responsible.

When the going gets tough, the smart ask for help. 

And once you start asking for help, you get it. And you “get” it.
The “get” it part, is sort of an internal release. It’s both humbling and empowering. It’s about permission, and trust, and community. It’s also scary:
What if people won’t want to help?
What if people will help and I won’t like it?
And as you let people help you, you fine-tune your asking. You learn who to ask, and who not to. You learn how to ask, the tone and level of details that are useful, so what you get, while possibly not perfect, is still very good. Very Good Enough.

So in my work with mothers, I always talk about how hard, how scary, and how very worth it it is to ask for help.
And today, I’m walking my talk.

I’m asking you to help me with something important:

The PPD SpeakEasy support phone chat (and I) need your help. 

Postpartum Depression to Joy
I need help spreading the word, the love, the hope, all the time.
But this month I need lots more help.
1. Because September = SpeakEasy x 3.
The first one is tomorrow, Tuesday Sept. 13 at 8:30pm Eastern.
2. Because I’m in pain. The physical kind. Neck and shoulders. Typing hurts. I’m typing this post in 5 minutes intervals (with timer!) and 15 minutes breaks in between. so slow. so annoying!!! stomping!!! Ahem, yes, I need help.

Details:
1. We usually have one monthly call, but there will be three calls in September.
Because it’s my birthday, and I want to spend it with you.

2. And while typing hurts, talking is just fine. I can speak, so I can SpeakEasy. Thank goodness.

3. The plan was to write about this, and tweet it up, and facebook it up the wazoo, and guest post, and what-not, so mothers from all over the web will find this support option and connect to other mamas where we can hear each others’ voices and sometimes even the babble or cry of a baby in the background. It’s really personal, and really stunning, in the best way possible.

I was supposed to be promoting this resource. Instead, I’ve been doing physical therapy, and taking painkillers, and muscle relaxants. These guys are making me feel so loopy, I need to think about focusing my eyes. So the posts that were supposed to happen in the last weeks? Not so much. And this post is taking forever to write, and I’m betting there are enough typos in it to feed a snark. Or a PPDemon.

So that’s where you can help.
If you have a place on the internet, please consider sharing the PPD SpeakEasy.
You could post my button on your side bar, or on your resource page. Grab the HTML code from the sidebar on the right.
Or just include a link to this page:
http://www.ppdtojoy.com/support/speakeasy-call/
It’s got the how and the what and frequently asked questions.

If you participated in a SpeakEasy before, you could write a post about your experience. Like Robin did on Friday. You can post it on your site, or you could write a guest post here. That would be so great.

If you don’t have a website, you can help by telling mamas in your life about this resource. Forward a link to this page to a friend who is having a hard time, and perhaps even to that friend who looks like she is having it easy. (You never know what she is feeling inside. You could be providing her with an opportunity to speak freely, with you and with others about her real struggles.)

You could also tweet about the call. If you are not sure how to put the whole idea into 140 characters, how about using these ready-made tweets?

Talking to other mothers w/ #PPD saves lives. Join @yaelsaar for 3 free&loving #PPDSpeakEasy support calls in Sept. http://ow.ly/6oo9Y

Or this:
Motherhood is hard. Sharing makes it easier. Join @yaelsaar for 3 free & loving #PPDSpeakEasy support calls in Sept. http://ow.ly/6oo9Y

You could “Like” PPD to Joy on Facebook.

You could share this on your FB wall:

Do you know about the PPD SpeakEasy support chat for mothers? A free, confidential & loving phone call. There is nothing quite like talking to other mothers who “get it”. This monthly chat is hosted by Yael Saar of PPDtojoy.com. In September, to celebrate her birthday, Yael will be holding 3 chats: Tuesday Sept.13 at 8:30 pm, Sunday Sept.18 at 2:00pm, Tuesday Sept. 27 at noon (all times Eastern). For more info and sign up click here: http://www.ppdtojoy.com/support/speakeasy-call/

And this is the biggest ask:

I’m looking for co-hosts.
While I’m thrilled to offer three calls in September, I have the intention to offer the SpeakEasy every week. But It’s not something that I can realistically take on alone.
So I’m looking for other ppd moms who are willing to co-host with me in the future. I’m not asking for commitment right now. All I’m asking is that you explore the idea, and be open to this possibility. I’m thinking that if I get 5 co-hosts, that would be a good start. You would begin by attending the calls as a participant for a few times, then I will provide you with training, where I will share my simple structure for hosting the call. It’s really all about listening and very little procedural stuff. It is much simpler than it sounds.
So my hope is to have you know about this option, hear your voice in upcoming calls, and then hear from you that you feel called to co-host. I hope to get 5 moms on board, that would be a good start that will give us a solid footing.
I hope to hold a training in a few months. And then start offering the call on a weekly basis, so mothers can build it into their weekly self-care and support structures.

What do you think?

I’ve been doing this, PPDtoJoy-ing here for almost a year. There are things I can do by myself, but I can do so much more with help.
In my wildest dream, the SpeakEasy is offered every day. Now wouldn’t that be amazing? It’s a big idea, that can totally become reality. If we take it in baby steps. And the first step is asking for help.

Not because I am not good enough alone, but because I can do so much more together with you.

Comment magic:
Your comments are extra helpful right now. Just saying…
If you do link, post, tweet, and such, make sure to let me know, OK? I’m limiting my screen time because of the pain in the neck, so if I don’t get back to you right away, it’s not because I don’t love you, you know.

I love you from here to Pluto and back. 
May the Joy be with you.

18 Responses to Asking for your help
  1. Deborah Koval
    June 5, 2014 | 8:26 pm

    You need to take good care of yourself. You said that you are doing physical therapy, and taking painkillers, and muscle relaxants, so don’t stress yourself too much.

  2. Cristi Comes
    September 13, 2011 | 1:47 pm

    I’ll share all over Yael. Hope yOu get to feeling better very soon xo
    Cristi Comes recently posted..I Closed My Eyes & Stepped

  3. Pamela Gold
    September 13, 2011 | 8:26 am

    What a wonderful way to spend the lunch hour! I’ll join then as well!!!
    Pamela Gold recently posted..PPD to Joy – – SpeakEasy Free Telephone Support Chats with Yael Saar

  4. Pamela Gold
    September 13, 2011 | 8:25 am

    I’ve blogged about it here: http://bit.ly/oJ1CnJ and have been tweeting it like crazy as well as sharing it on Facebook. I’ve placed the button in my sidebar. I hope that I will be able to some day soon help you with volunteering but my head is still wrapping around my new Bipolar diagnosis.
    Pamela Gold recently posted..PPD to Joy – – SpeakEasy Free Telephone Support Chats with Yael Saar

  5. Nicole
    September 12, 2011 | 10:36 pm

    Sharing! Much love, lady! <3
    Nicole recently posted..A Lot of Reflection

  6. LocoYaya
    September 12, 2011 | 9:54 pm

    i tweeted and shared. here through Pamela. great site and glad to read so much positive.
    LocoYaya recently posted..How long is long enough?

  7. Yael
    September 12, 2011 | 9:50 pm

    Thank you so much. For the tweets and the support. I so wish I could have been there with you
    when you needed to be heard. are retroactive hugs comforting at all?
    Sending buckets of them.

  8. Yael
    September 12, 2011 | 9:26 pm

    Thank you so much for your tweets and updates. much appreciated and savored. hugs to you.

  9. Yael
    September 12, 2011 | 9:25 pm

    Gosh, I’m thrilled that you are planning on joining the lunchtime call. Thank you!

  10. Yael
    September 12, 2011 | 9:25 pm

    Can’t wait to hear your voice. and I’m so glad you are open to the idea of hosting. yaying.

  11. Yael
    September 12, 2011 | 9:24 pm

    Sweetie, I’m so sorry you suffered alone. You can totally call the speakeasy even when in the worst most darkest place. You can speak no wrong at the #ppdSpeakEasy. You are welcome, as you are, pain, fear, and anger, you hear me? And it sounds like you are doing so much better. I’m so glad.

  12. Anderzoid
    September 12, 2011 | 3:53 pm

    I first heard about your speak easy when I was on my way out of the perinatal mood disorder hell. So, I never knew if I should call in. I’ve found so much love & support since then while dealing with my lingering mental health issues. So I guess I’m saying, I’ll help, if it’s ok?

  13. Robin | Farewell, Stranger
    September 12, 2011 | 3:44 pm

    Shared, of course, and will keep doing so.
    Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Walking the TEDx Talk

  14. Laura
    September 12, 2011 | 1:27 pm

    I hope to participate on the call this weekend
    AND, if I can, I’d love to help cohost, but we shall see how it goes.

  15. Jaime
    September 12, 2011 | 1:17 pm

    I’ll do my best to spread the word & to participate in the lunchtime call on Sept. 27th. I’m very excited to be part of it!

  16. Andrea
    September 12, 2011 | 1:12 pm

    Sadly, I’ve never done a call. But I would lOVE to.

    I’d also love to help promote (grabbing your button shortly!), and absolutely help host!

    Just let me know what you need from me, mama. I’m here in any way I can be.

    I’m sorry you feel so ick. I wish I were nearby so I could bring you some lovee!
    Andrea recently posted..It’s Been Ten Years

  17. Alexandra
    September 12, 2011 | 12:48 pm

    I will tweet, and share.

    It’s at night, when I work, but if I go online, and see it going on,you know I will contribute.

    Thank you for doing this! It DOES matter, and it would’ve made a huge difference to me, when I battled PPD on my own, knowing no one , who understood.

    These were times that I never would’ve wished on anyone.
    Alexandra recently posted..Unimaginable Realities – For Anna See

  18. Leighann
    September 12, 2011 | 12:39 pm

    I will TWEET and FB and share the heck out of this!