Tired Mama Stamps of Approval
If you are attracted to the support groups and phone chats but your inner monsters try to get in the way, know that you are not the only one hesitating. Resistance is normal. You are at a most vulnerable stage, of course it’s hard to take the first step. If you find yourself on the fence, I hope the words of other mothers can give you the courage to get over the monsters and the fears. Here is some of what they have been saying:
About the SpekaEasy phone chats
Before I discovered the PPD SpeakEasy support calls, I was in the deepest parts of my struggle with postpartum depression. Often I wished I could die, or that I could find my daughter a “real” mother. I had no concrete plans to harm myself (I wouldn’t do that to my daughter) I was simply in intense pain and couldn’t find any help or relief. Then I discovered the support calls. I was a little scared, but I was so desperate to get better that I was willing to try anything. Asking my husband to get home in time to take care of the baby while I was on the call was hard for me, but when I finally communicated this he was really supportive. I was grateful that he could value the support calls as an important part of getting better. Connecting with mothers who know what I’m going through is SOOOOO CRUCIAL to my recovery because I didn’t know anyone else with PPD before. I get much comfort from the sharing, and the helpful ideas and tools for redirecting my painful thoughts are even more useful. I didn’t think I could overcome my ‘stinking thinking’. This is a huge struggle for me, I have made more progress with that than I thought I would. I take notes on every call, then I have comforting and nurturing tools to remind my fuzzy, sleep-deprived mind of healthier ways to think when I am having a bad time between the calls.
I live 2 hours away from Ithaca, and I really hope to be able to attend a PPD to Joy meeting in person some day. Yael, your work has been a lifeline for me. I can’t wait to finally meet you in person and just give you a hug.
Julie (baby girl)
Rochester, New York.
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I discovered the PPD SpeakEasy through #ppdchat on twitter. At the time I was once again being sucked into my PPMDs hell, and I needed to hear a voice that offered more support than I could find on Twitter and Facebook. At first, it was hard to believe that calling a secure voice chat would help me with what I needed in that moment! I had to overcome my fears, fears of talking with someone I barely know, fears of being judged, fear of sounding stupid and childish, fear of being misunderstood. Often I feel that I don’t deserve to reach out and accept help and support. With much support I was able to take that scary leap of faith and dial the call access numbers!
I couldn’t believe how “true” the person answering the phone really is! Yael is very laid back. She never pushes me to say anything I don’t want to share, I am free to speak and say whatever I need to, never judged or looked down upon. The relaxation techniques that Yael offers at different points in the conversation help me stop and breathe. As nervous and scared as I was before I called, I was able to be relaxed!
Nicole (3 boys)
Louisville, Kentucky.
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When my husband was out of town and I flailing in a whirlwind of stress and loneliness, the lovely ladies on Yael’s call were there for me. Just hearing their voices empowered me. We poured out our stories and confessions and together grew stronger over the course of an hour. If you need to talk or just want to listen, I encourage you to participate. It’s worth it. Liz (toddler boy)
Boston, MA
About the Ithaca support group and the PPD Love Letters
Yael,
I think the groups are great. Conference room https://proessaywriting.org/ a place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on. Connecting with other mothers is so important. I find that I have an easier time being compassionate with other women and when I have this experience in person, it helps me give compassion to myself. I like that we don’t just talk, the “tired mama yoga” is lovely. My body is always supporting my kids, it seems like it doesn’t belong to me anymore, and in the meetings I get to reconnect with my body: moving and breathing feel so good. I was concerned about bringing my baby with me, sometimes she fusses and I was worried that it would disturb the group. Your attitude is so accepting, it hasn’t been a problem. I wish I had access to such support after I had my first child. I am grateful to have it now.
Meg (2 girls)
Ithaca, New York
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Hi Yael,
I have the typical two seconds on the computer right now, but I wanted to shoot you a line. I read your site last night for an hour with tears running down my face. It is amazing! It was just what I needed to read. Since I had my second child 10 weeks ago, I’ve been struggling with huge guilt about not meeting the needs of my older son. In fact, I try so hard, but my inner critic keeps telling me I will never be able to fully meet the needs of either of my boys. I had terrible postpartum anxiety with my first child, which I blamed totally on my traumatic birth (c/s). This time I had a beautiful homebirth vbac, but I’m still struggling–and now I feel guilty for that!! This mother guilt/anxiety stuff is so toxic and I haven’t been able to get rid of it. Getting the PPD Love Letter helps a lot; particularly the concept of “very good enough mother” is so important. Now I tell myself the phrase “very good enough!” many, many times. Last night was a tough one, and having this idea to hold on to was very comforting. What you’re doing is wonderful and so important. Thank you for your work.
Laura Ulrich (2 boys)
Ithaca, New York
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